"I hope there's no coyotes out here." With that, we all began a special journey into Rob and Chyna, into the private lives of Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna, and into the process of bringing a new, tiny Kardashian into the world. (The first official Kardashian baby!) I think we can all agree that plenty of emotional coyotes lie ahead, so let's get right to it.
First Things First To be clear, I knew very little about Black Chyna before watching last night's episode, aside from scraps of her backstory and a few major social media moments and, of course, the Kardashians' side of everything. And so it's still very much the honeymoon phase between her and I. But so far, I like the shit out of Chyna, guys. Mostly because she absolutely, completely, more than anyone who has ever been a part of this franchise, doesn't give a single fuck.
Don't get me wrong! I'm not underselling Kourtney, Kim, and especially Khloé's ability to roll their eyes and walk away from a situation, but ultimately, they still want one another's support and appreciation. Chyna's tough as shit and also has a lot to do, so she's not trying to talk you into liking her.
Watching her speak to Rob is kind of astonishing, because we've watched all the Kardashians talk to and about him as though he was spun sugar. When he steps on the scale and is disappointed with the results, her response is a blunt but not mean: "I told you, start running more and getting it in." When she's irritated with Rob's family, she doesn't try to conceal it, rolling her eyes and saying, "I guess that's just the Kardashian family! Talk talk talk talk talk." When he's being insecure, she frankly reminds him that she doesn't like that.
Also, she takes her son to a trampoline place, then catwalks down the middle of the trampolines instead of jumping with him, and I respect this as a life choice forever. Amen.
Don't Televise Your Disappointment In Your Child's Sex As is traditional for reality television programs which revolve around the birth of a child, Rob and Chyna get the ultrasound to find out their baby's sex. Rob finds multiple ways to bring up that he really, really wanted a son, then does not find a way to conceal his disappointment when he learned they'd be having a girl. He rallies later, but that's kind of a lot to explain away to your future child. Oof.
Stray Observation Chyna loves all butts! Not just her own!
Well, That Escalated Quickly The episode goes from Chyna literally saying, "Better get you a Rob, ladies" to her kicking him out of the house for a fight that seems … flimsy? Rob gives her shit for changing the passcode on her phone, which is a REAL dangerous game to start playing, because it sets Chyna off into thinking that maybe he's cheating on her. (PSA: It is 100 percent appropriate for people's passcodes to be private, even if they're engaged. Or married. Or literally anything.)
After a screaming fight on the phone — respect to Chyna for knowing enough to look out the window in the car while she was yelling, because none of us look our prettiest at that level of irate — Rob comes home with a bouquet of flowers and laughs his way through an apology. And the flowers are bad. Like, the best way to describe the arrangement he chooses is that I PERSONALLY COULD'VE AFFORDED IT. Chyna hurls it in the pool. I would call this an immature act, but I once threw my ex-boyfriend's iPod off a balcony, and it was one of the greatest feelings of my life. Team Chyna.
Stray Observation #2 Chyna has the most secure, gated pool I've ever seen on reality TV, which makes me like her even more. Safety first!
Early Contender for Spinoff Within A Spinoff NANNY JOY. Nanny freaking Joy. This woman is not only television gold, she is life gold. Whether she's manhandling raw chicken, helping tiny King wash his fleet of toddler-sized cars, or giving Chyna life advice, she's reliably sweet and engaged and real. She's the one who first starts nudging Chyna toward trying to make up with Rob, pointing out that among other things, it is not logistically feasible to kick your boyfriend out of the house at all hours of the night.
Who Kept Up? This week, in a recurring feature in which I note which members of the KUWTKgang stopped by to say hello, I feature Scott and Kris. Scott will apparently be on literally any Bunim-Murray production for any reason, but setting that aside, it's nice to see him with Rob. Since Scott's also a survivor of the tabloid grind and a father, he has good advice to give Rob, and isn't afraid to ask why the fuck he's not taking his insulin. (I will try not to insert this rant every week, and Rob's health is his own, but I get really angry about people who have resources to address their health and opt not to.)
And then there was Kris — Rob gets mocked pretty mercilessly for being a mama's boy, but in part he's just immature. He doesn't know what to do if the toilet overflows.And that's sort of the problem, Chyna points out, in a "surprise" conversation with Kris. (When Chyna "spontaneously" knocks on her door, Kris answers already wearing a mic pack.) Rob isn't particularly mature, and he doesn't have a lot going on in his own life, and so he picks fights just for something to do. Kris and Chyna aren't going to be best friends, but they're going to be family, and it seems like they're starting to figure out how.
Second-to-Last Words "If you weren't getting kicked out, it'd be weird." -Scott Disick, professional boyfriend to pregnant ladies
Last Words "You gonna sit right here and cry about jelly that you ate?" -Chyna's friend Paige, articulating what it's like to have a pregnant BFF