Despite all the jokes out there about people hating their in-laws, the truth is that when you first come face-to-face with your significant other's folks, you're probably hopeful that you can forge a good relationship. And, fortunately for you, that's something you have a decent amount of control over.
Making a good first impression on your S.O.'s parents starts before you even meet them, says Barbara Neitlich, LCSW. In preparation, ask your partner about them so you have a few tidbits to pull out. It also can't hurt to get flowers, wine, or something else to bring to their house.
Then, once you've met, here are a few things you can do to make a good impression.
1. Compliment their home.
If you're meeting at their house, one of the first things you can do when you walk in the door is compliment their decorations, yard, or cooking, says Marni Feuerman, LMFT. This shows you're paying attention and going out of your way to ingratiate yourself with them.
If you're meeting at their house, one of the first things you can do when you walk in the door is compliment their decorations, yard, or cooking, says Marni Feuerman, LMFT. This shows you're paying attention and going out of your way to ingratiate yourself with them.
2. Share something you've heard about them.
This shows that you care enough to have talked about them with your significant other beforehand. This is especially true f you have something in common—like if you're a fan of the same TV show—and that can help bring you closer, says Feuerman.
This shows that you care enough to have talked about them with your significant other beforehand. This is especially true f you have something in common—like if you're a fan of the same TV show—and that can help bring you closer, says Feuerman.
3. Ask them for (positive) stories about your S.O.
Parents love to talk about their kids, Neitlich points out. Asking them about a funny story from your S.O.'s childhood, a time they were proud of them, or just what they were like as a kid will give you insight into your partner and give them the chance to sound off on one of their favorite topics.
Parents love to talk about their kids, Neitlich points out. Asking them about a funny story from your S.O.'s childhood, a time they were proud of them, or just what they were like as a kid will give you insight into your partner and give them the chance to sound off on one of their favorite topics.
4. Tell your own funny story about your S.O.
A wealth of funny anecdotes about your partner is one thing you and their parents have in common. They'll appreciate that you're enjoying their kid's company, and it can spur everyone to chime in with stories and laugh together.
A wealth of funny anecdotes about your partner is one thing you and their parents have in common. They'll appreciate that you're enjoying their kid's company, and it can spur everyone to chime in with stories and laugh together.
5. Ask for advice.
People are flattered when they feel like their guidance is needed, Neitlich says. While it may be too soon for a heart-to-heart, you can still ask how to get involved in a hobby their dad likes or where to buy cute clothes like the ones their mom is wearing. It might even inspire a joint outing.
People are flattered when they feel like their guidance is needed, Neitlich says. While it may be too soon for a heart-to-heart, you can still ask how to get involved in a hobby their dad likes or where to buy cute clothes like the ones their mom is wearing. It might even inspire a joint outing.
6. Offer to help out.
Ask if you can help prepare the meal, set the table, or clean up afterward, Neitlich suggests. It shows thoughtfulness and appreciation for their effort—which also indicates that you're thoughtful and appreciative in your relationship.
Ask if you can help prepare the meal, set the table, or clean up afterward, Neitlich suggests. It shows thoughtfulness and appreciation for their effort—which also indicates that you're thoughtful and appreciative in your relationship.
7. When in doubt, reflect their questions back to them.
One easy way to keep the conversation going and thwart awkward silences is to ask them whatever they've asked you, says Feuerman. If you've been talking about your childhood, ask them where they grew up. If they asked you about your job, find out what they do for a living. If you just got back from vacation, ask them where they've traveled. It sounds basic, but it comes in handy when you're tongue-tied.
One easy way to keep the conversation going and thwart awkward silences is to ask them whatever they've asked you, says Feuerman. If you've been talking about your childhood, ask them where they grew up. If they asked you about your job, find out what they do for a living. If you just got back from vacation, ask them where they've traveled. It sounds basic, but it comes in handy when you're tongue-tied.
It might feel like you're in an interview, but the truth is, your S.O.'s folks might feel some pressure too. "Understand that you are not the only one that is nervous in this situation," says Neitlich. And once you get a conversation flowing, especially if it involves laughter, everyone's nerves should melt away.