We ae going to go ahead to award Blake Lively the best friend ever award, considering she attended her BFF's wedding this weekend. And while that might not sound remarkable, it is actually a major deal, considering she had just given birth to her second child, like, five minutes ago. Lively welcomed baby no. 2 on Friday, and was at her assistant Jessica Snyder's wedding on Sunday like it was NBD. When, in reality, it is a BFD.
So what's it like attending a wedding after a human has just emerged out of your womb? Sure, Lively makes it look easy (I mean, did she even use a filter on that pic?!)—but in reality, it's kind of a G-D disaster. Here are some guidelines to help you get through it.
1. Plan to wear black. Blake Lively got one thing right: Black is forgiving. Black is slimming. Black will help hide the fact that, unless you are a pregnancy unicorn like Lively, you will still look six months pregnant.
2. Plan to wear a maternity dress. Ain't nobody fitting into a pre-pregnancy dress two days after giving birth. Heck, even two months after giving birth. Nobody has to know you're wearing Destination Maternity.
3. Plan to cry. Like, a lot. Post-partum hormones are no joke, and they will certainly not withstand even a chord of Canon in D. (Or commercials, for that matter.)
4. Plan to pump in the bathroom. There's no avoiding it: That breastmilk is going to have to come out one way or another, and you'd rather it be via pumping than via leakage. (Attractive.)
5. Plan to get drunk on one glass of wine. It's probably been approximately 10 months since your body has last tasted alcohol. The shock to your system will make you the world's cheapest date.
6. Plan to pump and dump. On that note, all that breastmilk you pumped will most likely have to be tossed. Your BAC can't be trusted.
7. Plan to have to wear a hospital-grade pad. Gory, we know. But, unfortunately, true. And bring extras.
8. Plan to be uncomfortable. Whether you had a C-section or a vaginal birth, sitting on a Chiavari chair with a rented cushion and hitting the dance floor in heels that you haven't worn in nine months is not going to feel good.
9. Plan to pop ibuprofen. See above.
10. Plan to leave early. Because your precious newborn bundle of love needs to be fed in T-minus two hours. And you're exhausted. And you miss him terribly.
