After 30 days and countless bottles of water, I survived taking Goop vitamins and lived to tell the story.
Goop founder Gwyneth Paltrow is equal parts health-and-wellness guru and actress these days, and her lifestyle brand's foray into supplements is her latest step toward world domination. Would a month of popping the Gwyneth-approved supplements help me morph into a lithe, blond megastar? I started 2018 searching for an answer by testing out two of her vitamin supplement regimens: Why Am I So Effing Tired and Balls In the Air.
The Why Am I So Effing Tired supplement packet includes one PhytoBlend Multi tablet, one Omega-3 EPA-DHA 1000 softgel, three Adaptogen Blend tablets and one Licorice Boost tablet, all of which are meant to "improve energy levels and diminish stress." The Balls in the Air packet includes two PhytoBlend Multi tablets, one Omega-3 EPA-DHA 1000 softgel, two Superpower Support tablets, and one Superpower Sidekick capsule, which work together in a regimen "designed for women who function at an intense pace, and want to keep it that way." Both cost $90 for a 30-day supply.
Goop Wellness Director Ashley Lewis said the brand curated the supplements by first identifying lifestyle needs and then working with doctors to put together a vitamin regimen.
"Gwyneth is a huge believer in supplements and holistic medicine and alternative approaches, in addition to traditional approaches," Lewis says, noting that Paltrow is a fan of the Why Am I So Effing Tired supplement.
"Walking into a mass vitamin store can be overwhelming to the point of breakdown," Lewis says. "There’s just so many and how do you know (which vitamins to get)?" Lewis says Goop put together the products with quality, user need and simplicity in mind.
After 30 days of alternating between the two supplements, I might not look like or have the same bank account as Paltrow, but I have some thoughts about the supplements and their effects on my month-long quest to become a Goop Girl.
Week 1
Day 1 of the supplements was rough. I was supposed to start on Jan. 1 (new year, new me), but New Year's Eve got the better of me and Day 1 was postponed until Jan. 2. I started with the Tired vitamins, thinking they might give me the jolt of energy I needed to start my day. It was nothing like a cup of coffee, but I figure that one day isn't enough to gauge the effect on my energy. The pills are huge, about the size of a large cashew nut, and there are six of them in each packet, so there are a few near-choking incidents. They also have an unpleasant scent that just doesn't go away. I'm questioning how someone could take this many pills on a daily basis, but I trudge forward.
Week 2
I'm now a pro at swallowing these vitamins, and I'm starting to feel the effects on my life. Since starting the regimen, I've been trying to cook rather than eat out, work out a few times a week and avoid the weekly doughnut day we have at the office in order to boost the effects of the vitamins (and just be healthier overall). So far, I'm succeeding, but there still haven't been any major changes in my energy. I'm also not one to get sick often, so I'm unsure if my immune system has improved significantly..
Week 3
My co-workers are aware of my supplement journey, and take pleasure in watching me down a whole 16 oz. bottle of water when I take my pill break every day. I started to feel more energetic, and didn't feel the need to indulge in my daily cup of coffee or tea as frequently. Keeping a disciplined vitamin regimen has helped me maintain my other lifestyle routines, and I'm feeling good about making green smoothies in the morning and going to the gym after work.
Week 4
Despite not changing my sleep patterns or my diet in the past week, I've felt deeply tired when I get home, even though I'm able to power through my day without issue. We're in the midst of busy season at work, so either my intensified workload is getting to me or the supplements aren't working. Also (TMI alert), my pee is a radioactive color that I'm attributing to the supplements. I'm now counting down the days until I can stop doing this on a daily basis.
Takeaways
As much as I wanted to like these supplements, they're not something I would spend the money on and continue to take. They make sense in the Goop dynasty, but they don't fit into my lifestyle. If nothing else, the supplements made me seriously take my overall health into consideration. I knew I wasn't going to magically morph into the Goop founder if I was eating Hot Cheetos and Milano cookies as well as not exercising while taking the supplements, which is part of the reason I altered my diet at the beginning of the month. Also, alternating the vitamin regimens every day might not be the most effective approach if you're looking to see more instant results. All in all, the supplement trial made me want to be more Gwyneth-esque when it came to diet and exercise, but didn't make me want to keep Goop-ing it up with the pills.