Here Are The 10 Kinds of Annoying Personalities You Will Find in Every Single WorkPlace

You may be wondering why I've called this meeting. Wondering why I included you, why I included the person next to you who you can't even, and the person next to her who doesn't even go here. You are also probably curious as to why no one brought donuts.

I did this to save your lives.

You are all driving your coworkers crazy. Not adorable, quirky crazy–the other kind. You are here because you are that coworker. I'm sorry to have to tell you, but someone had to do it.





You have to change, immediately, or I can't guarantee your safety as a part of this organization. I've brought this list of character summaries for your convenience. It's hand-written because the copier was jammed. Now is the time for unflinching self-analysis. 

1. The Technology Nuisance
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Your credo is "What's the worst that could happen?" because you will find a way to make it a reality. You are the person who breaks the copier while changing the toner—and tells no one. The person who clicks "don't save" because you weren't sure. And you always reply-all. You cold-transfer phone calls to the wrong department because you never learned how to conference call. If you do not seek help, you will be crushed under the vending machine when you try to free your stuck Baby Ruth by shaking it just a little because what's the worst that could happen?

2. The Food Forager
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No one believes you anymore when you say you forgot to bring food to the meeting where everyone is bringing food. No one thinks it's funny that you brought a single-serving bag of Cheezy Poofs from the vending machine. Everyone sees you sneak over and get a double serving of Kevin's amazing homemade lasagna when you brought a two-liter of off-brand cola. FYI, it was your turn to bring the donuts.

3. The Instigator
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You clearly do not have enough to do. When you are not perched on your neighbor's desk, loudly speculating that Sarah didn't get into more trouble for calling in sick again last week because we all know she's the favorite, you are letting it slip that you overheard a "higher-up" say that Andrea isn't his first choice as project lead and isn't that unprofessional? You are stirring the pot of misery for entertainment, and you will eventually have to lick the spoon.

4. The Homebody
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There is no way to sugar coat this, okay? Stop flossing your teeth at your desk. And leave your shoes on. Brush your hair in the bathroom. Flush. Take your leftover tuna salad sandwich home with you. You don't live inside your cubicle. 

5. The Survivalist

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You are the only one who knows how to do your job. And that's fine with you because it makes you tough to fire. Surprise! It also makes it tough for you to go on vacation or call in sick, and it makes it a nightmare for the rest of us left to answer your phone. Train a backup. Seriously.

6. The Latecomer

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I saved this one until now because you just now arrived, didn't you? We are all late sometimes. We get it. Yes, there's traffic and annoying phone calls and parenthood. We try not to notice. But when you show up late every single day, take a few minutes extra at lunch and then have to leave early with no notice, we start to wonder why the schedule only applies to everyone else.

7. Patient Zero

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There is nothing noble about coming to work (and god forbid bragging about it) looking like something that we might have to take out with a crossbow. You and your germs need to stay home.

8. The "Secret" Office Romance
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Everyone knows. Yes. Everyone. 

9. The Straight-Shooter
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You've been in this job a long time. We know, we know—you were here when the rest of us were still in kindergarten. When music was still worth listening to and no one had smartphones. We know. Because you tell us all the time. You are frequently seen smiling to yourself when you hear corporate buzzwords. You also roll your eyes a lot. You are also the person we're going to turn to when we need someone to tell someone else to stop being annoying.

Sorry about that.

Here Are 6 Brain Tricks That Will Boost Your Motivation

Research shows that our brains are wired to have two types of motivation. We are either driven by internal (or intrinsic) motivation to achieve a goal, which is when we do something because it is personally rewarding. Or we are driven by external (or extrinsic) motivation, which is when we do something to earn a reward or avoid punishment.

Each type of motivation can be effective. Internal motivation is thought to work best in the long run, but external motivation can be a useful tool in some cases, such as prompting you to complete a task or assignment that doesn’t internally interest you.

The secret is knowing how to tap into both types of motivations to overcome procrastination and be more proactive. To help you do that, here are 5 brain hacks to boost motivation and stay productive, even when distractions abound.

1. Tap into your bigger purpose.

When you find your motivation is lacking, try focusing on the purpose behind what you are doing or on how it plays into the larger goal of what you want to accomplish.

Focusing on the bigger goal gives you the feeling of working on something greater and being part of something bigger than yourself. It gives deeper meaning to the objective you seek or the project you are putting long hours into.

For instance, try thinking about how what you're doing is adding value to your customers and their lives, or about how your business is impacting the world (even in small ways). When you consider the larger effects of what you or your team is doing, you'll feel more connected to the whole and will be more motivated to do your part.

2. Don’t over think it.

Overthinkers complicate an easy task by anticipating unlikely problems. When you over think a project you are working on, it creates more stress and pressure. Ultimately, it obstructs your motivation.

Research has shown that chronic stress and anxiety can actually shrink your brain. A relaxed mind is better able to focus and solve problems.

To counter a tendency to over think a problem, make sure to keep your goals simple and small. This will break your objectives into more manageable chunks. Focus on accomplishing each step. This in turn creates motivation, because you see yourself moving forward and accomplishing your goals.

3. Overcome mental blocks.

Nothing is quite as de-motivating as a mental block that feels like glue poured into your brain. Your creative process feels locked up and nothing seems to work right.

Becoming stuck is often a symptom you're caught in a negative thought loop. You tell yourself: “What’s the answer to this problem? What should I do? I should know this!” Round and round you go, and the more pressure you put on yourself, the more stuck you become.

To unstick yourself, start by reasking the question or reframing it from a different perspective. Take a deep breath, relax and allow your subconscious to find the answer. This is your “ah-ha” moment.

4. Counter negative perceptions.

Observe how you feel as you begin a task. Are you dreading the assignment? Are you anticipating it will be tedious or difficult to accomplish? That mindset will stymie your motivation and sap your inspiration before you even start.

You can change negative perceptions, just as you can train your mind to detoxify bad memories. To weaken a pessimistic perception of something, think about the task and bring the memory of doing it into your mind.

Imagine the memory getting smaller and dimmer, like you’re watching a tiny black-and-white TV. Now add new details to the memory that change it. Make it fun. Make it silly. Make it seem less threatening. Imagine being engaged with and enjoying the work. 

Do this five to 10 times and you’ll discover your perception has changed. The unpleasant memory no longer has the same sting.

5. Strengthen your good memories.

Another way to tap into your natural motivation is to strengthen those memories where you are succeeding and accomplishing your goals. By doing this, you can enhance and encourage your motivation and inspiration.

To do this, recall as vividly as you can a fulfilling memory of succeeding or accomplishing your goals. Imagine this memory as if it were being projected on a huge IMAX screen.

Make the memory bright and loud. Now increase the positive feelings that you experienced, just like turning up a dial.

Do this 5 or 10 times, and you'll discover that what was once just a positive memory is now a driving motivation. The more you experience the memory, the more you'll want to relive it and make it real again.

I Can't Stop Responding After I Began a Private Facebook Friendship with My Ex's Wife

Of all possible illicit online liaisons, how did I wind up with my first lover's wife?

I fell for David when I was 14. But after six years together, I had a birth control mishap, an abortion, a meltdown and a humiliating split I couldn't erase—since he refused to speak to me. While I was friendly with other exes, this initial heartbreak remained foggy and unfinished.

By 35, I was married to a taller, sweeter man, sure I'd completely recovered from my first disastrous breakup. Yet during years of difficult fertility treatments, I was haunted by the pregnancy I'd ended in college. Was being barren punishment for not becoming a young mother? I feared I'd ruined my last chance. Should I have kept the baby? I craved an answer to that lingering question.





The Internet led me back to David, 500 miles away. I emailed him, asking to discuss our painful falling out two decades earlier.

"I'd rather take out my own appendix with a bottle of Jack and a dull spoon," he answered.

Still sardonic, the quality that originally attracted me. "Why?" I pushed.

"Let's leave the bad memories intact. Am I scared to see you again? Fucking right I am," he wrote. "Think you're still nuts? Is a trout's ass watertight? Can we finish with the joint therapy session now?"

This sarcastic exchange completed the chapters of my memoir that were focused on him. Upon publication, I sent him an O Magazine review of my book that included his quote, adding "It was just optioned by a film producer." I hoped he'd talk now that my romantic trajectory—and his fateful rejection—was deemed cinema-worthy.

"Hey, that's great," he replied this time.

I was relieved. Mature adults, we were over the past. No harm done. Trauma averted.

Until the next email: From his wife.

"Congrats on all ur success," she wrote.

He must have forwarded my message to her. I worried they'd shared a computer and joked about the original Crazy Ex-Girlfriend who wouldn't leave. I awaited a "get away from my husband" admonishment.

Instead she wrote, "I'd like Eva Mendes to play my part in the movie."

I wondered what she really wanted from me. To see what I looked like or if we were similar? To gloat? I decided his wife—let's call her "Eva"—was a test I had to pass to get a last heart-to-heart with her spouse. Assuming he was reading along, I typed how pretty she'd looked in a sparkly black dress at a party. I'd spied the picture web-stalking a classmate's Instagram, curious if David still had hair.

When Eva requested a Facebook friendship, I was flattered. Why not add her? Here's why not:

"No offense, but maybe think about losing the bangs?" she wrote. "Ur gorgeous, but darlin' it's aging u." She added, "p.s. Ur facebook entries suck ass. U write beautifully, but social media, not so much. I'm available for 50 bucks an hour :)"

This semi-stranger using tween slang wanted me to pay her to edit my web profile? Rather than finding my path to emotional resolution, I'd stepped on a landmine. Guess I wasn't the only one harboring hidden animosity.


Annoyed by her insults, I investigated her Facebook wall. No job mention, lots of selfies, Woody Allen quotes, an article "Do you Suffer from Decision Fatigue?" In khaki shorts, T-shirt, and sneakers, she looked like a cute camp counselor. There were few pictures of David. I was disappointed that their teenage son resembled her, not her husband, curious to revisit the curly red-haired science-brain I'd met in ninth grade.

Looking through her albums, I relived my six years with David. He was the first to take me to bed, to get me high at a Dylan concert, to give me jewelry (a gold heart necklace), to say "I love you." (Actually I blurted it out and he asked, "Think I'd put up with your insanity if I didn't love you too?") Despite our intense passion, we were socially acceptable, cruising to our little brothers' Bar Mitzvahs in his silver Camaro, blessed by our parents. Hooking up in Israel during my summer study abroad, it felt like we were both hot and holy, tricking the world.

Then, in college, despite using condoms, I found myself three weeks late. He proposed. But I was petrified, not ready for parenthood. After terminating the pregnancy, I had a drug and alcohol-fueled breakdown at 20, smoking, drinking, doing magic mushrooms and coke. Afraid of sex, David, and my body, I told him, "I need some time alone." When I resurfaced to apologize three months later, he wouldn't return my calls. He kept sending me agonized Bob Dylan lyrics in the mail. I assumed that meant he still cared.


So at two a.m. one autumn Friday, I impulsively drove my orange Cutlass four hours to his university in the middle of the night to ask why he was sending me cryptic typed-out words to Blood on the Tracks. He never really answered, though he did admit that he'd fallen for a petite girl who was under his covers in the other room. With Eva asleep in his bed, I cried in his arms on his living room couch. Then I drove home, sobbing to the Dylan bootleg he'd made me. It became the soundtrack of my dark era.

After graduation, I heard he landed a great job, married Eva and welcomed a son. Broke and adrift, I envied their prosperity and perfect family. When a friend said Eva's second child died in infancy, I was stunned, mournful for them. It threw me back to my own lost baby.

It turned out while I'd been burning to know their story, my memoir had ignited Eva's curiosity about me.

"Why did you change everyone's name in your book?" she now emailed.

"The Random House lawyer suggested pseudonyms," I explained.

"Why did you turn my dead daughter into a dead son?" she asked.

This stopped me. I felt guilty for appropriating her trauma. "I'm so sorry. It was a mistake," was how I finished this eerie cyber-chat with my one-time rival.

Yet Eva wasn't through with me. She disclosed that during my calamitous road trip, while she was in his bed, she'd been in lust with her Shakespeare professor. So while David was breaking my heart, he didn't know she'd been breaking his. Was she being competitive by confessing this? I'd just published a book about my old lovers, after all. Rather than regaining David's attention, I was stuck e-waltzing with his angry spouse. She'd been a mythical figure—the petite size-two brunette he'd chosen over me. (I was size eight on a good day. Was that why?)



"You look thin and lovely on TV," she wrote next, admitting that he hadn't encouraged her writing; he insisted their problems not be aired in public. I liked the idea that she might envy me.


"He loved being quoted in your book and O Magazine," she added.

It was electrifying to have a spy in his house, the least likely turncoat I could have imagined.

"He Googled?" I asked anxiously.

"He ran out to get a copy," she clarified. "Might be the first time he was in a bookstore."

More than any book press or old friends resurfacing for my launch, Eva's words compelled me. I couldn't stop reading and answering, like I was high on cocaine. In abbreviated missives, she confessed her own union was passionless, detailing their sexual problems. I'd unwittingly stumbled on the juiciest of insider scoops: The stud who'd left me for a hotter woman had been karmically avenged by discord in his marital bed.

A day later, Eva apologized for being "bitchy" and "passive-aggressive," saying "Have NO idea why I am writing such personal things to u. Will blame it on alcohol, heat wave, lack of impulse control." So she had an addictive personality—something else we shared. Clean and sober for years, I was getting swept up in a new compulsion: emailing my first boyfriend's mate.

It turned out she was Jewish, cynical, well-read. An English major. My age. Were we doppelgängers who switched lives? She'd aimed to publish too, but didn't know her subject.

"Try chronicling this electronic tête-à-tête with your husband's high school girlfriend," I offered.

"Then he'd know we're in touch," she said.

The revelation that he didn't know came as a surprise, and I was confused over who I should feel loyal to. If I ever told him, it might damage their marriage. If I didn't, I'd feel like I was her co-conspirator, trashing him—betraying my ex with the woman he'd once betrayed me for. In between work and the evening classes I taught, I kept checking my in-box to see what else Eva revealed.

This time she was the one alienated, frustrated, lonely in an empty relationship. Content in work and love at last, I expected vindication to wash over me. Yet knowing my first lover's wife was hurting made me sad and bizarrely worried. Underneath her snide tone, she seemed confused—like I used to be—pent-up, career-less, repressed in the conservative milieu I'd escaped.

"My shrink advised me to 'Lead the least secretive life,'" I wrote to her.

"Why am I confiding in you?" she questioned (me or herself?)

"Does a memoirist delving into unresolved pain hold up a mirror?" I asked.

"Am very entertained by this repartee :) PLEASE give me a subject. Will be one of ur protégées."

The wife of my worst heartbreak wanted me as her mentor. I used to envy her marriage, now she coveted my career. I felt emboldened. "Get an MFA. Write a book about the daughter you lost." I tried to assist her, unlock her, give her permission. "Two of my students published momoirs. They're hot." I listed bestsellers on motherhood, then worried I sounded insensitive. She didn't seem to mind.

"Ur a real firecracker," she answered. "Thanks."



But I wondered if I was I helping her, or updating my early amorous loss, so that this round, instead of playing the discarded girl, I'd be the heroine who won. After more intense cyber-volleys, my brain, husband, and therapist insisted: disconnect. To avoid staying stuck in the past, I quietly un-friended her, leaving the woman I'd over-connected with online, but had never even met.

The intimate portrait Eva provided offered an illuminating coda, clearing up many misconceptions: Waiting a decade longer than her to wed didn't ruin me, it saved me. Those extra ten years single allowed me time to finish graduate school and develop two professions I adored, with the help of a smart therapist who said, "Love won't make you happy. Make yourself happy."

Just as I let go of the fantasy that I needed to talk to my first ex in order to fully heal, he returned.

While he was visiting New York, he emailed, casually asking if I wanted to get together, as if I hadn't been begging for this rendezvous half our lives. I quickly showered, shampooed, put on makeup, flattering jeans, heels, perfume. When he came over, I stared at him. He was still cute, less burly, with hair (though it was thinner). Luckily there was no heat. We talked nostalgically for an hour, sipping bottled water. In retrospect, we were ridiculously mismatched; all we had in common was our history. Not wanting to hurt their marriage, I kept what Eva confided to myself.

The next day, I wondered why he'd finally reappeared.

"I wonder if Eva pushed him to meet with you?" my husband said.

Was I no longer a threat?

A few years later, when I learned they'd divorced, I guessed another reason Eva may have sent him to me: she no longer cared. Catching up with my first boyfriend felt sweet and healing. But it was nowhere near as charged, confessional, and intensely compelling as my clandestine email madness with his wife. She gave me the closure he couldn't.

Susan Shapiro is the author of the WHAT'S NEVER SAID and FIVE MEN WHO BROKE MY HEART. You can follow her on Twitter at @Susanshapironet.

7 Women Who Love Their Jobs Shares Their Secrets

Close your eyes and think about your job. Are you happy? Miserable? Meh? We all go through ups and downs at work, but if you find yourself constantly dreading work, you may have hit The Slump. First off, know that it's normal; according to a Dutch study, employees in their late twenties to early forties experience lower job satisfaction and higher emotional exhaustion than their older and younger peers. 

The irony is that The Slump often happens as your career's heating up: As you grow in a job, the competition for promotions increases, which can take a toll on work friendships and create more stress, says study coauthor Hannes Zacher, Ph.D., associate professor of organizational psychology at the University of Groningen, in the Netherlands. A decade is a long time to dread going to the office, so Glamour asked experts to weigh in with specific strategies for these crucial years. Here, a guide to getting your office mojo back.

Pretend You're New on the Job

"The initial phase of work is exhilarating because the learning curve is so steep—we feel more motivated when we're learning. So find new things to master, like public speaking. And it sounds surface, but when you start a job, you tend to dress up, which can give you a mood boost too. Finally, when you're new, you extend yourself to meet up with coworkers. Get back in that habit. Just looking up as you walk around the office makes a difference."

—Nicole Williams, career expert at LinkedInWork Smarter, Not Longer

"Avoid playing 'who can work the longest.' Competing for the boss's attention this way is exhausting, and it's one reason people begin to dread their job. Instead, focus on the results of your work. That's what you got hired for. Do good work, and it'll become louder than how many hours you put in."

—Jody Thompson, coauthor of Why Work Sucks and How to Fix It* and cocreator of the Results-Only Work Environment (ROWE), a human resources management company*

Do Something (Else) You Love

"I've been a stress doctor for 30 years, and I've never seen a patient who had balance in their life outside the office get burned out. Whether it's playing guitar or goofing off with friends, make sure you have something that takes your mind totally away."

—David Posen, M.D., stress specialist and author of Is Work Killing You?

Create the Job You Want

"There's a strategy called job crafting; it means customizing your job, and it can foster more satisfaction. Try these three things: First, change how you work. For example, if sending and answering email bores you, find ways to reduce the volume. Second, change who you interact with—cultivate relationships with people you like, or become a mentor. Third, find the why, or the meaning, in your work. If you can feel that what you're doing has purpose, then that's really a big thing."

—Joe Robinson, productivity trainer, author of Work to Live, and founder of Optimal Performance Strategies

Learn the "Soft No"

"Women often avoid saying no because they are afraid of being impolite, and then they end up with too many tasks. This leaves them less time to advance their careers or regenerate their energy. Practice a soft no by saying, 'That's a great opportunity and I would love to do it, but I'm very busy with project X.'"

—Elisabeth Kelan, professor of leadership at the U.K.'s Cranfield School of Management and author of Rising Stars

Ask Yourself What's Still Missing

"Think about what would really make you happier—such as helming a big project—and then tell your boss. But be honest with yourself: If working less is the only thing that would make you happier, it may be time to change jobs."

—David Burstein, consultant on millennial work culture and author of Fast Future

You Don't Need To Hate The Things of Life To Improve Your Budget. Here's How.

New year, new you, right? Resolutions are often framed with the purge mind-set: Get rid of bad habits and start fresh. It feels like a chore. Here's our case for skipping them entirely! It's easy to feel guilty about big-money items that eat up your paycheck, but the important questions to ask are, Does this bring me joy, and is that absolutely worth it to me? Therapy is a huge cost for me monthly, but I make it work because I consider it a nonnegotiable expense—and I manage it by eating out less and buying less crap that I don't need! I refuse to give it up because it's essential to my mental health and makes me happy.






"Create a budget you can actually stick to," says Alexa von Tobel, founder and CEO of LearnVest, a financial-planning company. "It’s important to have a framework for your day-to-day spending that doesn’t require a ton of mental math and doesn’t make you feel deprived." At LearnVest, von Tobel says, "we follow what I like to call the 'one number strategy': We take your take-home pay (income after taxes) and subtract your goal contributions (money you’re putting toward your vacation fund or retirement account, for example) to calculate the one number left over, which is yours to splurge each week on everything from date night to fitness classes."

So, in the spirit of making your money actually work for you, how about in 2017 we stop feeling guilty about things that are sources of joy? Sure, life would be easier if we ended that pricey gym membership or stopped buying our dog so many plush toys. But sometimes the benefits outweigh the price tag (yes, even when it comes to plush toys). Here's how these women make those $$$ hard-to-give-up items work.

"One of my biggest expenses is my car that I bought in January—it’s a customized jet black Subaru Impreza with the all-important seat warmers that every Northerner wants. It makes me feel safe, warm, classy, and composed. I'm willing to put a high price on that. I'd rather give up a few meals or drinks out or some new shoes in order to pay for what I use every day. It's been challenging to justify such a high car payment at times, like when I got a pay cut at work. I thought about trading in my car for a used one that I could afford more. But I strongly believe that you are actually saving money by spending more to have nice things instead of buying a lot of cheap items. At times spending more on something you truly love is a way to respect, honor, and value yourself." —Grace Norberg, 27, Chicago


"For the last few years, I’ve been taking private yoga classes at a yoga studio near my job that I go to right after work. It’s super convenient, and I miss rush hour traffic. After a stressful day, I’m able to stretch, meditate, breathe, relax, and work on my yoga practice. It helps me connect on a spiritual level and work out all the kinks I develop at my desk all day. I’m investing in my health—it’s benefited me in so many ways. And I make it work in my budget because I buy discounted class packs—the unit price goes down significantly when buying in bulk. I'd spend $6 more per class if I bought them individually, so I'm saving a lot. I also attend free or donation-based classes on days I feel like switching it up. I ask myself, Does what you are buying help you better yourself? If the answer is no, you may think twice about investing in it. Does it make you happy? Is it worth your hard-earned salary? I ask myself these questions about my yoga classes, and the answer is always yes! That is how it should be.” —Tiffany Milakovich, 26, Miami

"Putting money into my savings account each month has become something that I can't give up—I shoot for $600 a month. Budgeting has gone from a painful chore to a pleasurable check off the to-do list! I put away more up front to feel assured that I can do the things that make me happy, like shopping, a fancy trip to Whole Foods, ordering essential oils, or seeing a Broadway show guilt-free. My biggest expense pays off expenses I will have in the future, no matter how big. My rule of thumb is, Pay yourself first, and that has helped me move out of the Bronx to Brooklyn, pay off my credit card, and buy presents for friends and family guilt-free!"—Dani Berkowitz, 25, New York City


"There's a misconception that traveling is an out-of-reach luxury—but if you start small, you can see a lot in your own backyard. I spent the first half of my 20s working several jobs at once to pay exorbitant rent in New York City. Unless I went home for Christmas, I never used vacation days. But I started taking small, affordable trips upstate on the weekends. I'd come back to the city feeling renewed before another busy week. By the end of 2015, I made a personal choice to leave my full-time position in the city and work freelance. My new schedule and the money I'd managed to save up allowed me to relocate to Florida and travel elsewhere. I booked two trips to Honduras and spent the rest of 2016 traveling domestically, exploring cities in Alabama, mountain towns in North Carolina, and rural parts of Texas, among other places. In 2017 my money resolution is to continue putting more time and money aside for longer, international trips because they’re important to me. I like to research new locations, things to do there, and travel costs even when I'm not really planning a trip. Knowing I have something to work toward or look forward to someday is enough motivation for me to save.” —Renee Rodriguez, 26, Fort Lauderdale, Fla.

Most Bosses Hates These 10 Things More Than You Taking A Sick Leave

Whether your FOMO at work is stronger than your sinus infection or you boss makes you feel like you've dropped the ball every time you blow your nose, you may be too scared to call in sick—even at the height of flu season. But according to our experts, there are far worse things you could do than recuperate beyond your cubicle's three walls. Here are nine things that will cross your boss more than your cold.

1. Spreading your germs to other employees.

Your coworkers are left to pick up the slack when you call in sick—but no one can do your job if everyone is consumed with coughing. "While having someone call in sick is hard, having someone show up to work when they are sick is worse," says Sharlyn Lauby, president of consulting firm ITM Group Inc., founder of HR Bartender, and author of Essential Meeting Blueprints for Managers. "No one wants your germs."

2. Emailing everyone—or the wrong person.

*That time you meant to complain to your coworker and accidentally hit reply-all—alerting your boss to how you really feel about her request that you work the weekend—was way worse than when you missed a meeting because of a migraine. "Nothing makes people crazier than hitting the reply-all button for insignificant and irrelevant responses," says Lauby, "and you can put yourself in a very awkward position if you reply-all and forget who is included." *

3. Feeling they can't trust you.

Bosses need people they can count on, says Jill Jacinto, millennial career expert and associate director of communications for WORKS. Building trust with employer will make you his or her most valued employee. But burn that dependable bridge and your boss may not believe you the next time you really call in sick, warns Hallie Crawford, career coach and founder of career coaching agency Hallie Crawford. "You can lose your boss' trust by lying about a project or the way something was handled with a client," she says, "or taking the credit for something you didn't do."

4. Showing up unprepared.

If repeated nose-blowing will keep you from reading a report, it's better to stay home than to show up and show off that you're not prepared, warns Lauby. "If you've ever had to explain a memo to someone who didn't take the time to read it or stop your work to tell someone how to fill out a form that they should already know how to complete, then you know what I'm talking about," she says. "Don't be that person."

5. Clocking in at all the wrong times.

Missing a day because you're down-and-out is one thing—but missing a meeting because you hit the snooze button one-too-many times is quite another. "Everyone has one of those mornings where the alarm clock didn't go off or train was late," commiserates Jacinto. "But if that is happening every morning, your boss will take notice—and he or she won't like it." Just as bad to your boss, Lauby says, is being the person who clocks out before the work day is up. "At least when an employee calls in sick, the company knows you're going to be gone and they put together a plan to get the work done," she says. "But wanting to leave early puts stress on the department because they don't have time to put a plan in place."

6. Abusing expenses.

That company credit card sure is tempting. "You might think no one will notice the glass of wine at dinner or the upgraded economy comfort seat—but your accountant will," warns Jacinto, who says his or her next step will be to sit down with your boss to devise a plan on how to rein you in. "Bosses are held accountable for everything their employees do, say, or spend," she says, and pulling on his or her already-tight purse strings won't please anyone.

7. Appearing unprofessional.

You spent a lot of money on a new dress whose neckline does all the right things for your decolletage, so you'll be damned if you won't get your money's worth by wearing it every chance you get—even to work. But your boss will take notice—and may even take umbrage—if you do things "that are not illegal, unethical, or immoral but just aren't smart, such as wearing the wrong attire to work," says Lauby, "or using profanity in front of customers, or telling weird jokes. No one wants to be the office police and tell an employee they're not making a good impression."

8. Being negative.

No one likes a Debbie Downer—not even your seemingly humorless boss, warns Jacinto. "Your boss doesn't want to hear about your problems," she says. "He or she wants to hear your solutions." Beyond that, Crawford says, "working with a negative or critical attitude can dampen the office culture, especially when most bosses try to cultivate a positive work environment. Employees with bad attitudes make that difficult or even impossible."

9. Being glued to your phone.

Unless you're using your phone to call your doctor about that persistent cough, it's likely your employer doesn't want to see your cell out at all. "Employees must respect the fact that they are at work," says Lauby, who adds you can stay on the good side of cell phone usage by putting it in silent mode and taking private calls in a private place. "Don't play Plants vs. Zombies during working hours," she says. "You get the point."

This Is what men said to me after seeing my naked body

Since the dawn of time, with the exception of maybe a few weeks there at the beginning, nakedness and shame have gone together like drunk and uncles.

Since the dawn of time, with the exception of maybe a few weeks there at the beginning, nakedness and shame have gone together like snakes and planes. Ear hair and bassists. Milk and cheese. Drunk and uncles.

Like all of those examples, when shared, one's nakedness can be received with anything from elation to degradation. But you don't have to tell me twice about the vulnerability and embarrassment that accompanies nudity.

Here are five verbal reactions I've gotten after various dudes saw my unclothed human form for the first time. Much to no one's chagrin, this won't be a detailed account of my sexual history. That's for my gynecologist to know (hey, Greg!) and for my new gynecologist to find out (Greg's leaving the practice soon).

So sit back, relax, and put your feet in these stirrups here. I apologize if my hands are cold.

"DO YOU REALIZE HOW HOT YOU'D BE IF YOU WORKED OUT EVERY DAY FOR THE NEXT THREE MONTHS?"

You can't have your cake and eat it too, and if it were up to this guy I wouldn't be anywhere near a cake ever again (unless I'm fully clothed and standing next to one with a stripper hidden inside).

This is a banal observation. Who wouldn't be hotter after working out every day for three months? Think outside the bun, dude! But in the moment, benefit-of-the-doubt-me got it. He was just trying to help me realize my... uh... untapped potential. Zing!

A few other questions spring to mind: Why three months? Do you want me to complete that "Thinner Thighs In 30 Days" program three consecutive times? Can I stop working out after the three months are over? Also, why in the name of Satan's colostomy bag would you say this to a person's face?

In the moment, I could only assume he meant, "You don't look bad—the bones are there, underneath a squishy layer of goat cheese and herbs—but I prefer nude people look like Susan Fucking Powter."

What I learned: If you can't say anything nice, sure as hell don't say it to someone who just showed you her Geena Davis for the first time. Gratitude goes a long way. A simple "This is very kind of you, thanks" makes the moment pleasant and (God-willing!) forgettable. If not, chances are your reaction is emblazoned on his brain forever and the chick will have the opportunity to write a weird essay about it. Who wants that?

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I NEED A SHOT."

What kind of shot are we talking here, pal? Rabies, tetanus, diphtheria, polio? As far as I know, we've yet to develop a vaccine against seeing anyone's naked body, much less mine (Hope-atitis C?).

All joking aside (yeah, right), sometimes the truth punches you in the teeth before it sets you free. That's just one of the risks we have to take when we're open to self-discovery. So call it what you want: a nude surprise gone awry, the fast track to sadness, a fucking terrible idea. They're all apt synopses of this situation, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, and e-books in Biden's Kindle library.

What I learned: You can't assume anyone wants to see you naked, ever. And if they must poison that person's liver before doing so, git along, little doggie. There are greener pastures and better metaphors that don't involve so many references to cattle.

"YOU'VE CHANGED A LOT SINCE THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU."

The circumstances that surround this particular quotation are objectively hilarious. My first visit to the gynecologist? Check. My mother's ob-gyn? Check. And he's a HE?? CheckMATE, my friend. The last time we interacted I didn't have teeth, and was umbilically obligated to my mom. You know what, doc? I have changed a lot since then.

Dr. Greg articulated this gem mid-breast exam, which resulted in no lumps in either the medical or Black Eyed Peas' definitions. While the nurse chuckled at the funny truth-phrasing, I stared at the popcorn ceiling and wondered how I could possibly reply. I decided on the nonchalant, "Yessiree, Bob!"

What I learned: Sometimes it's part of your job to make conversation while you check someone else's body for cancer. Maybe you speak without thinking to avoid the crushing awkwardness of that situation. Sometimes I just gotta roll with the motherfucking punches, baby. This one gets a pass.

"YOU LOOK LIKE A FREAKIN' PORN STAR!"

Where do we start? First of all, there was no censoring of this quote (or any of the others, for that matter). Someone really said "freakin''' in a romantic context—and not while singing "Ignition (Remix)." Next, we'll appreciate the gusto that accompanies this comment (bloom where you're planted!). And finally, blurting out something stupid in the heat of a moment is always understandable, but I would be remiss if I didn't take a second to flesh out some possible interpretations:

"You look like you're paid to be here!"
"Get ready—we are about to have a surprise orgy!"
"Intimacy is a business transaction to me!"
"I have never seen a single porn!"
"I have seen so much more porn than you originally thought!"

And if that last one was the case, what kind of stuff was he watching? Young and Confused Girlfriend? Lanky Co-Ed Sees Penis for First Time and Weeps? Sturgeon-Face Sluts 5? The possibilities end there.

What I learned: When it comes to complimenting your significant other, it's best to keep it simple. This may not even require speaking a sentence! Just make a noise. Oftentimes, it's better that way.

Now that you all know about my shamefully selective long-term memory and penchant for overanalyzing passing comments, I must admit I'm feeling a little exposed.

How Writing Down Your Goals Can Power-Up Your Life

Everyone wants to be great and reach achievement milestones, but not everyone is willing to commit to the grueling process that being great requires. Many people give up after one try, one failure. They settle for being average instead of striving and working to be great.

With the New Year right around the corner, and most people starting to think about their resolutions and the goals they want to accomplish in 2017 -- and that includes me -- I want to share a process I go through at the end of each year, in late December. Some people don’t know how to set goals, and they certainly don’t know how to go about achieving them.

But, for me, nothing has changed my life more than learning how to set goals and then working hard to attain them.

What's important here is the difference between goal-setting and goal achievement. Both are important, but setting goals alone isn’t enough. If you write them down on a piece of paper, then put that paper away and never do anything more, you’ve wasted your time. Instead, you have to take massive action to achieve your goals.

Everywhere I go to speak in the world, I share the following exact same goal-setting process that has shaped my life year after year. This process has helped me achieve almost every major goal that I ever set.

The process

Start by setting a stopwatch or the timer on your phone, for three minutes. This will force you to write your goals down quickly and not dawdle. The point is to eliminate the tendency to start worrying. When we consider the goals we want to achieve, we immediately start thinking about reasons we can’t reach those goals.

There will be roadblocks to consider, a lack of money and a million-and-one other obstacles. But don't worry about those things; if you set a stopwatch for three minutes, that short time span will force you to focus and write down what’s really in your heart instead of to waste time on the challenges down the road.

The next part of the process is to write down eight to ten goals you want to achieve this time next year. It’s good to include some balance on that list with health, fitness, family, leisure and financial and business goals, to name some important considerations. Then circle the one goal that has the potential to completely change the course of your life and serve as a domino effect for every other goal on the list.

The "game-changer" goal

Next, identify what I call the game-changer goal. When I first adopted this same process into my life, I was 16 years old and a recovering drug addict. My major goal at the time was to get a Division I college scholarship for football. I knew that achieving that major goal would help me reach every other goal on my list and drastically change my entire life.

After you circle your own game-changer goal, you'll find that the next part of the process is what separates the best of the best from everyone else. Write down 20 to 50 things you need to do to achieve that major goal of yours.

Most people never even think about what they need to do in order to achieve their goals. So, if you are thinking about this, you'll be putting yourself in the small percentage of high achievers and be significantly increasing your odds of success.  

After you have completed your action plan of all the things that must happen in order to achieve your game-changer, you should start transfering one to two tasks a day onto your daily task list. Once you have your game plan ready to go, your overall task is all about taking massive action and being relentless each and every day until you get to where you want to go.