Dating someone new involves an inherent level of trust: In order to really get to know them, you have to assume they’re not secretly out to harm you. While the odds of accidentally dating someone really dangerous are low and most people date with the best of intentions, you can never be too safe.
“These days, we are usually going on blind first dates, off of online dating sites and dating apps, and we have no idea who the person is and what their background is,” says dating and relationship coach DeAnna Lorraine. It’s also less common to meet datable people through friends and family, which usually meant they’d been vetted first, she points out.
Dating expert Julie Spira agrees, adding that you’re also unlikely to open up to someone new unless you feel safe with them—another reason safety should be priority number one.
With that in mind, we consulted the experts for their top tips on how to stay safe when you’re dating. File these away for the next time you meet someone new:
Talk on the phone first
If you met online, Lorraine says it’s a good idea to have a legit phone call before you meet up. “When we hear someone's voice, we can tell if there is a good rapport and connection even before meeting them, but also you can usually pick up cues in their voice as to whether or not they are socially weird, creepy, or predatory,” she says.
If you met online, Lorraine says it’s a good idea to have a legit phone call before you meet up. “When we hear someone's voice, we can tell if there is a good rapport and connection even before meeting them, but also you can usually pick up cues in their voice as to whether or not they are socially weird, creepy, or predatory,” she says.
Unleash your inner online sleuth
“Do some snooping on their background info,” Lorraine says. That means Googling and checking out their social media accounts. “Try to get a sense of who they are, what their interests are, if they have a lot of friends, etc., before meeting them,” she says. “You can actually learn a lot about someone based on their presence and activity on social networks these days.”
“Do some snooping on their background info,” Lorraine says. That means Googling and checking out their social media accounts. “Try to get a sense of who they are, what their interests are, if they have a lot of friends, etc., before meeting them,” she says. “You can actually learn a lot about someone based on their presence and activity on social networks these days.”
Meet in a public place
Sure, you’ve heard it before, but this is so crucial it's worth repeating, Spira says. And this rule should also include accepting rides to and from your meeting place, which is a no-no. “You don’t want to get in his car because then he’s going to bring you home,” she says. Then, he’ll know where you live and can also invite himself into your place under the auspices of needing to use the bathroom. If a guy insists on picking you up, tell him you have a meeting first and just say you’ll meet him at your agreed location. (BTW—that doesn’t mean he’s creepy, Spira says. He could just be trying to be chivalrous.)
Sure, you’ve heard it before, but this is so crucial it's worth repeating, Spira says. And this rule should also include accepting rides to and from your meeting place, which is a no-no. “You don’t want to get in his car because then he’s going to bring you home,” she says. Then, he’ll know where you live and can also invite himself into your place under the auspices of needing to use the bathroom. If a guy insists on picking you up, tell him you have a meeting first and just say you’ll meet him at your agreed location. (BTW—that doesn’t mean he’s creepy, Spira says. He could just be trying to be chivalrous.)
Don’t go to his place
For a second date, a guy may want to cook you dinner at his, but that can create awkwardness or an unsafe place if he’s expecting more out of the date. “Don’t put yourself in a situation where you have to get out of it,” Spira says. So, maybe save the cooking date for date four or five.
For a second date, a guy may want to cook you dinner at his, but that can create awkwardness or an unsafe place if he’s expecting more out of the date. “Don’t put yourself in a situation where you have to get out of it,” Spira says. So, maybe save the cooking date for date four or five.
Keep an eye on the booze
That includes how much you’re drinking and who has access to what’s in your glass. Spira recommends just ordering one drink and nursing it. Or, if you know you can’t stop at one, get a spritzer or light beer—anything with a low alcohol content is better than two hardcore cocktails. “Every time you order yourself another drink, you impair your ability to make a good decision,” Spira says. Plus, there’s always the chance someone could slip you something. If your date acts strange or starts encouraging you to booze it up, stop drinking, Lorraine says.
That includes how much you’re drinking and who has access to what’s in your glass. Spira recommends just ordering one drink and nursing it. Or, if you know you can’t stop at one, get a spritzer or light beer—anything with a low alcohol content is better than two hardcore cocktails. “Every time you order yourself another drink, you impair your ability to make a good decision,” Spira says. Plus, there’s always the chance someone could slip you something. If your date acts strange or starts encouraging you to booze it up, stop drinking, Lorraine says.
Don’t get into work specifics
Spira recommends being vague about where you work. Just like it’s no good for a creeper to know where you live, they could also show up at your work and cause problems. If your date asks where you work, just saying something vague like, “I work in finance,” and then change the subject.
Spira recommends being vague about where you work. Just like it’s no good for a creeper to know where you live, they could also show up at your work and cause problems. If your date asks where you work, just saying something vague like, “I work in finance,” and then change the subject.
While you shouldn’t freak out and assume every new date is out to get you, experts say you should just be cautious. “It’s important for women to be aware of their safety when dating new people,” Lorraine says.
