Science Reveals that To Be Truly Happy, You Always Need This

"You always want what you can't have" is a phrase most often repeated by people trying to make a point that you should be satisfied with what you already have, rather than trying to attain more for fulfillment. After all, if you're just looking to the next big thing, you'll miss what's right in front of your eyes ... or so every romantic comedy ever has taught us.

Turns out, those people are wrong, at least to some extent. 

Studies have shown that it's not actually the achievement of goals that drives people onward — it's the desire to seek out bigger and better things. Turns out, wanting what you can't have might actually be the goal to a happier life.

How many times have you been told "no," "you can't," or that you aren't allowed to do something? When we're children, a natural reaction to this is a temper tantrum — arms flailing, lungs emptying, eyes leaking tears. We want to do whatever they won't allow us.

But when you're older, you find ways to deal with these upsets discreetly. A teenager might sneak out after curfew; a young adult might just ignore all rationality and do what they're told not to do anyway, which is why no one likes to hear "I told you so."

Learning consequences from our actions — and gaining wisdom from experience after we've messed up — is something that's bred into us from a young age. But as you grow, so does your need to explore and understand the world around you. And being told that you can't have something just makes it that much more desirable.

Why? Because it's sparked a little something within you called curiosity. And once your brain latches onto that urge, it's hard to get it to let go.

Curiosity is the single part of the human brain that propels us forward. It's what makes us choose things for ourselves — both stupid and incredibly smart — and guides us to new discoveries in personal and professional aspects of our lives. It's also what gives us the animalistic desire to follow said curiosity down whatever dark alleyway it leads us.

According to Jack Panskepp, the author of Affective Neuroscience, the reason that people keep exploring and trying to experience everything life has to offer is because it's bred into our very DNA. Every mammal has the same need to seek out circumstances in their environment and explore whatever will make their chances of survival better. Since it's linked to our reward-pleasure centers, your brain actually rewards you for pursuing whatever you're curious about.

So, wanting to get to know a new person, getting that job promotion, finding new music or exploring different areas of the world is actually so you can feel the thrill of the hunt, not the completion of a task. It's why putting the puzzle together feels better than staring at it when it's all done.

When you've reached your goal, it's over. But in the process of achieving it, you feel the happiest.

Pursuing the next big thing in your life can actually make you happier, because you're moving forward and striving to attain something. In our very goal-oriented and reward-focused brains, that's the thing that keeps us smiling.

The need to quest and pursue things in our lives is a natural human inclination, but can often come with unsavory consequences. Wanting more, desiring a better outcome, and trying to make things more beneficial for you is actually more rewarding than achieving those desires.

This is the same reason that people who win the lottery can be content playing for nothing after years, but don't gain any happiness once they've actually won that big jackpot. This is why it's important to balance curiosity with common sense.

Knowing that something isn't attainable because it might be detrimental to your health, circumstances, or psyche is far different than thinking you can'tdo something and working harder to achieve it. It's the difference between wanting a married man because you can't have him or deciding to train and run that 5K you've been talking about forever. One is obviously better for you than the other, but your brain still wants them both equally, and knowing a man is married might actually make him more attractive to you for this very same reason.

So, as it turns out, the key to a happier life is pursuing the things that will make you happy and are also healthy for you. Setting and achieving goals is a good thing in your life; find what piques your curiosity and use it to make your life better.

Go ahead and dream, pine away for more wealth, better relationships, or a sexy partner. Accomplish goals that you'd never even imagined, and explore every bit of the world. Work to achieve those things and then reap the rewards from your efforts.

Just make sure in the pursuit of your own happiness that you're not ignoring common sense to trample on someone else's.

The Reasons Why Spending Money Buying Stuff Does Not Make You Happy As Spending on Experiences

Because they’re now the largest age demographic, I spend a lot of time researching and discussing millennials. What I’ve found most interesting about this demographic is how they prefer to spend their money on experiences over stuff.

Millennials "aren't spending our money on cars, TVs and watches," Taylor Smith, CEO and co-founder of Blueboard, told CNBC. "We're renting scooters and touring Vietnam, rocking out at music festivals, or hiking Machu Picchu."

This statement was backed-up by a study conducted by the Harris Group that found out that 72 percent of millennials prefer to spend more money on experiences than on material things.

The thing is, this isn’t exactly limited to millennials.

Researchers have been studying how people could allocate their money to make themselves happier. The assumption had been that spending money on material possessions would increase happiness because possessions last longer than an experience. A 20-year study by Dr. Thomas Gilovich, a psychology professor at Cornell University, found the opposite is true.

Dr. Gilovich is just one of several researchers who believe in the the Easterlin Paradox. This phenomenon simply states that after our basic needs have been met, money will only increase happiness to a certain point for the following reasons:

1. Happiness over material items quickly fades.

“One of the enemies of happiness is adaptation,” says Dr. Gilovich. “We buy things to make us happy, and we succeed. But only for a while. New things are exciting to us at first, but then we adapt to them.”

Psychologists call this "hedonic adaptation." In other words, the excitement of that new car, iPhone or furniture set will quickly fade into the background as they become a part of our daily lives. Experiences, like traveling, attending an art exhibit or trying a new restaurant become a part of our identity, which brings us greater satisfaction.

“Our experiences are a bigger part of ourselves than our material goods,” says Gilovich. “You can really like your material stuff. You can even think that part of your identity is connected to those things, but nonetheless they remain separate from you. In contrast, your experiences really are part of you. We are the sum total of our experiences.”

2. Experiences define your purpose and passions.

Your daily activities should be guided and influenced by your purpose and your passions, not material possessions.

Think of it this way. Let’s say that your favorite musician of all-time is Bruce Springsteen. Even though you have all of his albums, and some other items like shirts or posters, do all of those possessions top seeing The Boss in concert? Probably not. In fact, if someone offered you a front-row ticket in exchange for all of your Bruce memorabilia, you would probably take them up on that offer in a heartbeat.

3. Possessions don’t contribute to social relationships.

“We consume experiences directly with other people,” says Gilovich. “And after they’re gone, they’re part of the stories that we tell to one another.”

Do you bond more with other people when discussing material possessions or experiences? Think of Bruce again. When you run into a fellow fan, you have a certain bond and connection. You can talk about his music, the concerts you’ve attended and how much his music has positively impacted your life. That seems like a more in-depth and interesting conversation that discussing your cars, gadgets, wardrobe or even your Boss souveniers, right?

Social relationship expert John Hall, author of  the book Top of Mind, recently told me "Relationships are like ketchup -- only you can figure out if you need to have it on your burger or not." We can all relate to wanting or not wanting this.

4. Moments are more memorable.

While experiences are designed to be fleeting, they provide high level of arousal and memorability thanks to anticipation. Again, let’s revisit The Boss.

You hear he’s coming to town, so you mark your calendar not only for the date of the show, but also when tickets go on sale. You’re anticipating purchasing tickets and then attending a show after you’ve secured your tickets. Going to this show is an entire experience, not just a singular moment.

5. Experiences introduce you to a whole new world.

Unlike stuff, experiences introduce you to new perspectives, life lessons and the importance of gratitude. Take traveling, for example. If you live in New York City and travel to West Virginia, you may realize the pros and cons of living in the Big Apple. Even though there’s culture, public transportation and plenty to do, that weekend trip south made you appreciate nature, the quiet and the beauty of clear, starry nights.

You may realize and come to understand cultural differences. Even if you don’t agree with these points-of-view, at least you’ve walked away learning how to be more thoughtful, compassionate, humble, or grateful.

6. Stuffocation.

Do you have a garage full of stuff? That build-up of junk that you’ll never use can actually do harm to your mental health. This is because when our homes are filled with junk and clutter it increases our levels of stress.

7. It’s no fun keeping up with Joneses.

“The tendency of keeping up with the Joneses tends to be more pronounced for material goods than for experiential purchases,” says Gilovich. This is because, according to research from Ryan Howell and Graham Hill, it’s easier to feature-compare material goods than experiences.

“It certainly bothers us if we’re on a vacation and see people staying in a better hotel or flying first class. But it doesn’t produce as much envy as when we’re outgunned on material goods.”

In other words, spending money on experiences can decrease this envious behavior, which means that we’ll be healthier and happier in the end.

What makes you more happy? Money or experiences?

HERE ARE 10 REASONS YOUR NEIGHBOUR'S RELATIONSHIP IS VERY HEALTHY AND FULL OF HAPPINESS

It's getting to be that time of year where the days get shorter, the pumpkin spice latte rears its whipped cream noggin again, apple picking adventures start clogging your newsfeed, and new romances blossom between lovebirds looking to settle down before the long winter. Yes, cuffing season, whether you're familiar with it or not, is in full swing. To help us survive this year's dating Olympics and to avoid the dreaded holiday breakup, we spoke to Jean Fitzpatrick, a New York-based relationship therapist, about several ways to establish a strong relationship with someone or work on keeping things afloat if you're already successfully, uh, cuffed. Find her tips and suggestions, below.

1) They accept each other's differences.

"In an intimate relationship, what looks like a communication problem is more often a difficulty accepting one another as two different people. When we first fall in love we finish each other's sentences. We can hardly believe we have met this person who totally gets us. But the real work of relationship—and what keeps it alive—is creating an emotionally safe space where we can connect authentically, as the people we really are."

2) They carve out time in their schedules for each other without any distractions.

"Take time each day to sit down together—devices out of reach and television off. Sometimes couples put their relationship on autopilot. They feel secure in it and they use it as a "home base" from which to focus on all the other aspects of life—work, children, friends, surfing the net—that are important to them. Time together is essential, not time side by side on the sofa gazing at screens, but time doing fun or interesting things together, just as you did in the early days of the relationship: explore a new neighborhood, cook dinner together, try a new sport or hobby."

3) They set up guidelines for tough conversations.

"Couples can work toward this by setting ground rules: no interrupting, set a time in advance for challenging conversations rather than having them in the heat of the moment, agree on a "time out" word either partner can use when they are too stressed to remain calm."

4) They use constructive communication in disagreements.

"Rather than talking about your 'needs' in an argument, share your inner experience of a situation with your partner. For example, if your partner is always late, avoid saying 'I need you to be on time,' and instead say, 'When you're late I get worried we'll lose our dinner reservation.' Your partner is more likely to respond when not being told what to do."

5) They consider ways to work better as a team.

"When you're unhappy with an aspect of your relationship it's easy to point the finger at your partner and his or her faults. It's usually more constructive to first consider what you might be bringing to the situation. The next step is to sit down with your partner and get curious together about how you end up bouncing off each other so badly. Usually one person's weak point is triggering the other's, and everybody's too reactive. For example, a woman who worries her partner doesn't find her desirable anymore might withdraw from him, sleeping far apart and avoiding contact. He then concludes that she isn't interested in him and stops pursuing, which only confirms her original fear that he doesn't want her. Each of these partners is reacting to the other, and both of them feel rejected. If they can sit down and talk about it without attacking, something beautiful can happen."

6) They work on being more mindful partners.

"In order to have difficult conversations, you need to take responsibility for getting calm enough to talk, rather than yelling or shutting down. Self-soothing techniques are an essential part of your relationship toolkit. What helps you calm down? Regular exercise and meditation both help lower your overall stress level. At a moment when you're stressed out by a relationship issue, try taking a walk around the block, getting into the shower, doing yoga breathing, or cooking or baking something that smells delicious. Agree on a "time-out word" with your partner so that either of you can soothe yourself rather than have an argument get too heated. Be sure to agree on a time when you'll resume the conversation."

7) They act as a support system for each other.

"Showing up at important work and family events is one way to show support for your partner. Listening when he or she talks about an accomplishment at work or a situation involving a friend is important. Ask a question. Don't give unsolicited advice, but ask if your partner would like help problem-solving. Recognize that relationships between family, friends, and partners may be uncomfortable or awkward at first but can grow over the years."

8) They balance time for their partner with time for other hobbies and friends.

"Finding friendship and meaning outside the relationship gives you more to bring to it. You have experiences to talk about, and you find fulfillment that doesn't depend on your partner. With couples today very busy, it's a precarious balancing act, and couple time is very important."

9) They make efforts to keep the romance alive.

"If you've been in a relationship for a while, get past being goal-oriented. Agree for a couple of weeks to refrain from intercourse and devote time to exploring touch and building desire. Focus on being generous with small gifts, compliments, and attention."

10) They remember to show appreciation and find new ways to connect with the other person.

"Express appreciation to your partner for a character trait, an accomplishment, or a household chore. Share a hope or a dream—a trip to Bali next year or a picnic in the park next weekend. Now invite him or her to do the same. By choosing to connect in a meaningful way you are creating a 'cushion of safety' that helps you both feel loved and affirmed in the relationship."

Leah Messer Tells Us The Hidden Secret To Her Newfound Happiness

The Teen Mom 2 girls have a whole lot going on right now — Chelsea Houska is pregnant and engaged, Jenelle Evans is pregnant, and Kailyn Lowry is in the midst of a nasty divorce.

But what about Leah Messer? The mom of three got divorced for the second time and went to rehab in Season 6 and lost (and eventually regained) custody of her twins in Season 7, but we’re happy to report Leah’s life these days seems way more uneventful. And yes, that’s a good thing.

For starters, the 24-year-old has purchased and moved into her own home with her daughters,  and has figured out healthy co-parenting situations with both Corey Simms and Jeremy Calvert.

Perhaps most importantly, however, the single mom is using those tactics she learned in treatment and seems happier than she’s ever been, posting smiley selfies to Instagram pretty much daily:

“Happiness is contagious,” she captioned two selfies from August 31.

So what’s the secret to her newfound happiness? Vitamins, apparently.

Leah shared a photo on Instagram of the vitamins she takes, which claim to make you “more energetic, active and healthy.”

“I've never in my life been as happy and healthy as I am now!” she wrote of the pricey supplements. “I definitely believe wholeheartedly that the vitamins I take has [sic] impacted my health emotionally and physically. I would recommend them to ANYONE!”

The West Virginia gal also just hit 1 million Instagram followers, so we’re sure that has a little bit to do with her newfound happiness, too.

TM2 Season 7B seems like it’ll be a whole different ballgame, especially since Leah is usually the cast member with tons of drama.

Hope Kailyn is ready to wear that hat in the new season...