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6 Ways To Differentiate Between Real Love And Attachment

Are you in love with your partner or are you just attached to them? Love can be complicated, but this article explains a few of the differences between attachment and real love. I hope that these explanations will aid you in nurturing your current relationship or creating one based on genuine love in the future.

1. Love is selfless, attachment is selfish

When you’re in love, you focus on making the other person happy. You’re always thinking of ways to make sure that your partner feels loved and fulfilled. You aren’t keeping score, arguing over who helps more, or fighting over who is supposed to wash the dishes. You don’t emotionally blackmail your partner, try to manipulate them, or seek to dominate the relationship.

When you’re merely attached to someone, you’re focused upon the ways in which they can make you happy. You become heavily dependent upon your partner and may even try to control him or her to avoid abandonment. Instead of confronting your own issues, you use your partner to improve your self-esteem and fill a void within you. You believe that they are responsible for your happiness and become frustrated and angry if they fail to bring you contentment.

2. Love is liberating, attachment is controlling

Mutual love allows you to be your true self. Your partner encourages you to be who you genuinely are and you won’t be afraid to expose your weaknesses. Mutual trust develops and becomes a powerful catalyst for personal growth for both of you. Love is never controlling. In actuality, love transcends control. Your partner’s ability to accept you for who you are and encourage you to pursue your dreams allows you to let go of the need to control their life.

Attachment, on the other hand, tends to fuel controlling behavior. You may discourage your partner from spending time with their friends, play mind games, or put an unhealthy level of focus on pleasing them. You may even try to manipulate them into staying with you regardless of their feelings.

3. Love is mutual growth, attachment is encumbering

If you’re in love, you and your partner will grow together. When both of you work to become the best versions of yourselves, you’ll become better than you could have on your own. In short, your partner stimulates your growth, and you do the same for them.

In cases of attachment, your urge to control and your inability to solve your own problems restricts your growth as well as your partner’s. Your unresolved issues cause unnecessary dependence upon your significant other. Not surprisingly, this restricts the growth of both parties and makes it difficult to love in a healthy way.

4. Love is everlasting, attachment is transient

Love survives the passage of time. You and your partner may ultimately breakup, be it temporarily or permanently. If you were truly in love, however, that person will always have a place in your heart and you will continue to wish them well for the rest of their life.

If, on the other hand, you were merely attached to them, you will likely hold resentment after a breakup. You may even experience feelings of betrayal. These feelings stem from the assumption that your partner had an obligation to make you happy that, in your eyes, was not fulfilled.

5. Love is ego-reducing, attachment is ego-boosting

When in love, you become less self-centered. Your relationship serves to reduce your ego, fosters your growth, and encourages you to become less selfish and more loving. The relationship you have with your partner fuels positive changes for both of you. More importantly, you’ll both have the courage to share your weaknesses, expose your vulnerabilities, and communicate from the heart.

Alternatively, relationships based on attachment are typically dominated by the ego. This is why many people repeatedly fall into a continuous stream of unsatisfying relationships, each of which involves the same, recurrent problems. You find it difficult to look within and resolve your issues. This generates dependency within your relationship, which triggers the feeling that you can’t be happy without your partner. You rely on your significant other to solve your problems or, at the very least, help you forget them.

If you aren’t in love right now, I sincerely hope that you will find your soul mate and build a magnificent relationship with that person. Until then, why not work on becoming a better and more loving version of yourself? As the saying goes “Like attracts like”. If that’s the case, it’s wise to become the person that you wish to attract!

The Weeknd And Selena Gomez Caught Making Out: See Pictures of the Couple

New couple alert! Selena Gomez and The Weeknd were photographed making out on Tuesday, January 10, while leaving Santa Monica restaurant Giorgio Baldi together. Find out more in the video above, and detailed below!

In photos obtained by IPRESSTV, Gomez, 24, looks smitten as she wraps her arms around The Weeknd (nee Abel Tesfaye), 26, even leaning over to give the “Starboy” singer the occasional peck on the cheek. At one point in the night, the duo even giddily locked lips.

The “Kill Em With Kindness” singer dressed casually for the dinner out in an oversized black trench coat, loose blue jeans and black booties. The Weeknd similarly kept things laid back with a jean jacket, black pants, sneakers and a beige baseball cap.

According to an eyewitness, the couple arrived at the celeb-beloved restaurant around 9 p.m. and chatted animatedly in a private back room for nearly three hours, essentially closing down the place.

“They came out and they were so happy,” the source tells IPRESSTV. “They were hugging and kissing. … Selena was all over him, hugging, kissing [him]. She looked amazing and so incredibly happy and in love.” The twosome headed to Gomez’s house afterward.

The pair have known each other for a while, and have been working on new music together, according to a source, who adds that Gomez “really likes him and they are just getting to know each other better.”

Their budding musical romance comes hot on the heels of The Weeknd’s split from longtime girlfriend, supermodel Bella Hadid, last November. The couple had been together for nearly two years, but an insider close to the crooner told IPRSSTV that conflicting schedules kept them apart.

“They still have a great deal of love and respect for each other and will remain friends, but it has been too hard to coordinate their schedules with him finishing and promoting his upcoming album,” the source told IPRESSTV at the time. “They really tried to make it work.”

Not that Hadid, 20, is still hung up on her ex. A source close to the supermodel tells IPRESSTV that “Bella has very much moved on” from the relationship, and has been back in the dating game herself.

While the exes may have both moved on, however, their paths may continue to cross. In late November, The Weeknd performed at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, which Hadid walked in, and the former couple famously crossed paths on the catwalk in a moment that stole the show. (Incidentally, Gomez and The Weeknd performed together at the 2015 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.)

And Gomez and Hadid share another connection as well — both are members of Taylor Swift’s powerful girl squad, with both Gomez and Bella’s sister Gigi often cozying up to the pop star at her holiday get-togethers.

Gomez and her famous ex, Justin Bieber, ended their headline-making romance in 2012, and the “Good for You” singer has been linked to a number of bold-faced names since, including Charlie Puth, Niall Horan and Orlando Bloom. In August 2016, Bieber, 22, suggested that Gomez had cheated during their relationship, with Gigi’s current boyfriend, Zayn Malik.

These 12 Things Are What Guys Hate Most About Kissing

Kissing is the foundation of foreplay. Kissing leads to making out, and making out leads to dry humping, which means sex, which means… well, that’s where it ends. But even still, there are some things that can happen during kisses that are less than ideal.

1. Everyone thinks they’re good at it, but not everyone is actually any good.Kissing is a talent, and like a lot of commonplace activities that still require skill (cooking, driving, dancing, etc), people don’t like to admit they might not be that great at it. And they sure as hell don’t want to be told they’re not good at it. So it’s entirely possible that he’s either stuck with someone who isn’t good at kissing OR he’s not good at kissing and no one ever wanted to tell him.

2. Getting a tongue shoved down his throat. Tongue is good. Choking him to death with it? Bad. The goal isn’t to get your tongue as far down his throat as possible. Please be careful.

3. Kissing for way too long. At a certain point, kissing is going to lose his attention. Then his mind wanders to the dirty laundry coating his floor, and then when the last time he washed the shirt he's currently wearing was, then...

4. Chapped lips. If you’re not liberally applying chapstick, it’s like making out with a belt sander.

5. The very real issue of bad breath (yours or his). No one is more cognizant of the state of their breath than single people who could potentially make out with someone new. It’s a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it’s good to know you’re not blasting people in the face with awful breath. A curse because you have to spend a ton on mints and gum.

6. Accidental eskimo kisses. Making out is a delicate dance. If you have the wrong partner, you’re going to smush your noses into each other constantly. It’s like stepping on each other’s toes...but with noses.

7. Getting tangled in your glasses. If one person has glasses, it’s not a big deal. But if two big ol’ four-eyed nerds are making out with each other, those things are going to unceremoniously smack against each other. Take your glasses off (seductively) before making out.

8. Accidentally making out with your hair. If you’ve got long hair, there’s a good chance it’s getting right in the way of your mouths exploring each other. Y’all are about to eat hair.

9. When you don't kiss back. The only thing worse than being outright shut down when he goes in for a kiss is having you just stand there and dead-lip him. So close and yet… so far.

10. Wondering if your eyes are open while his are closed. You close your eyes when you kiss other people. It’s standard. It’s polite. And it’s vulnerable. What if you’re staring at him like a weirdo while he’s kissing and he doesn’t know it? What if he opens his eyes to check, but it turns out your eyes were closed and then you open your eyes and you think he was staring at you the whole time like a weirdo?

Why Do People Engage in PDAs (Public Display of Affection)? See The Reasons People Gave

Some people are more comfortable with engaging in a public display of affection than others. There are those who are as quick to make out with their SO on the train as they are in the bedroom, and then there are those who wouldn't be caught dead even holding hands in the park—and loathe when they catch others canoodling. A study in The Journal of Sex Research reveals some of the biggest differences between these people.

University of Kansas researchers asked 349 primarily straight college students, ages 17-35, about their engagement in PDA and the reasons behind it. Most students actually hadn't participated: Only 37 percent of men and 32 percent of women had made out in public. The authors used a super specific definition though—"kissing on the mouth, with or without the use of tongues, and fondling breasts and buttocks"—so that could explain it. As for those who had engaged in this form of PDA, they were surprisingly honest about their motives, which were not as lovey-dovey as some people might let on.

The number one reason people showed PDA was "to enhance their image or status by proving they were capable of making out with a particular person." Others wanted to broadcast their love to the world, some were doing it for the thrill of breaking a taboo, and a few didn't really care where they were—they just wanted to make out and happened to be out in the open.

What it meant to "enhance their image" was gender-dependent, though. Guys wanted to look like studs, with one even mentioning his "bros" and his yearning for them to believe "I myself was a bro" and accept him "into a new state of brodom." Women, on the other hand, were more likely to kiss for men's entertainment—seven out of the 13 women who had made out with another woman in public cited this reason—or to provoke jealousy. One wanted to be other women's object of envy, and another said she was trying to make her ex jealous. And, of course, some women didn't engage in a public display of affection for fear of backlash, saying they shied away from so as not to appear "slutty."

Psychologist Nicole Martinez told Broadly that this desire for our relationships to be seen in a positive light could also explain why couples are always posting photos of each other and professing their love via social media (though, FYI, those couples are more likely to stay together, so this may not be a bad thing).

None of this is to say, however, that there's anything wrong with kissing under the mistletoe this Christmas—even if it's partially because you want to show you've got someone to kiss.

Mariah Carey Seen Kissing Her Backup Dancer Bryan Tanaka in Hawaii

Aloha to a new romance! Mariah Carey was spotted kissing her backup dancer Bryan Tanaka in Maui, a source tells IPRESSTV.

After the Mariah’s World star split from her billionaire fiancé, James Packer, in late October, rumors swirled that she was romantically involved with Tanaka. At the time, an insider told IPRESSTV that although the pair have a “close” bond, they were only friends.

It seems things recently heated up between Carey and the 33-year-old choreographer. The duo traveled to Maui’s Grand Wailea Resort for a few days after the “Fantasy” singer’s three shows in Honolulu.

“They were all over each other, making out and not wanting to be more than a few feet apart,” according to an eyewitness. “They swam in the ocean and he picked her up to kiss her. She was jumping into his arms, and he bent her back over his knee like they were dancing. Then they walked on the beach holding hands, and he gave her a piggyback ride. They had a lot of fun together, and were very playful. She was kicking up the water to splash him, and he was laughing.”

The onlooker said that the pop superstar appeared to be in good spirits during the getaway. “She seemed very happy and comfortable with Bryan,” the eyewitness said.

In a recent trailer for Mariah’s World, which premieres on Sunday, December 4, members of Carey’s team discuss Tanaka’s “crush” on the pop diva. “Tanaka does have a crush on her,” a staff member says, while a second team member replies, “What are we going to do with him?”

As previously reported, Carey split from the Australian business mogul after they got into a fight on a vacation. “Mariah and James had a fight in Greece and have not seen each other since,” Carey’s rep told Entertainment Tonight in October. "The fight was not because of any cheating allegations or excessive spending by Mariah. James is one of the most successful businessmen in the world. They are trying to work it out. Right now, they’re not sure if they will stay together. They are discussing it and plan to release an official statement together about their future.”

Days before the “We Belong Together” songstress split from Packer, she finalized her divorce from Nick Cannon, a source confirmed to IPRESSTV. Cannon signed off on the divorce documents before Carey headed to Greece, and the pair agreed on joint custody of their 5-year-old twins, Moroccan and Monroe.

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