These Four Words Will Gradually Help You To Ruin Your Relationship

Even the most successful couples can fail at communication when emotions run high. In the heat of battle, words can be spoken before brains are put into gear. Hurt, resentment, or anger can make the best of us lash out.

As the saying goes: “When emotion goes up… intelligence goes down.”

When your partner says something that you feel is unjustified or unfair, it’s super easy to react and spit out something you don’t really mean. Understanding the cause of this reactive behaviour will help you to stop doing it and to understand and deal with it better when it’s thrown at you.

Words are powerful — more powerful than most people realize. They create our reality (and that of others around us), and choosing them carefully will be your greatest friend. When someone throws out a thoughtless comment, the receiving person can easily feel attacked or misunderstood. They feel like they’ve been judged and tried without a jury, and they go into a defensive reaction. They feel the need to state their case and argue down the opposite view. They perceive a strong threat and come out of the corner fighting.

Avoiding or replacing some words can largely avoid a breakdown in communication and a defensive response. Try listening for these in your next heated debate — you’ll be surprised just how often both you and your partner are using them:

1. “Should”

When you say “you should” or “shouldn’t,” what is coming across to the other person is that you think you are superior, an authority, and that you know better than they do. It changes the dynamic from two equal people discussing to a dominant and a submissive relationship.

Try instead: “I would really like it if you could…”

2. “You”

The second you start talking about what you are feeling in sentences that start with “You,” you’re probably going to be in trouble. You might say “You never listen to me!” only wishing to impart that you feel unheard, but what the other person hears is “It’s all your fault!”

“You” comes with an imaginary jabbing finger. It’s accusatory, and if the receiving person is already feeling vulnerable, defensive, or emotional, whatever you say after “you” will be interpreted as an accusation.

Instead, try: “I feel like…” or “When this happens, I feel…”

3. “Must”

Similar to “should,” “must” sets the speaker up as the expert, the more knowledgeable party. It tells the receiving person that you know better and that they should be doing what you say. At some level, the person you are saying this to will feel that you don’t respect their opinion or their logic or their ability to think for themselves.

Try: “I’d love you to…” or “It would really help me if you could…”

4. “Expect”

As someone once said “Peace begins where expectation ends.” Everyone has a “blueprint” in their head, an idea or a mould of how things shouldbe and how other people should behave.

Come to grips with the concept that other people don’t have to follow your rules and that they may not have the same expectations as you do.

When you use phrases like “I would have expected that you would…”, it’s accusatory. It somehow says that the other person has failed and that is exactly how they will feel. They’ll feel judged and rejected and will more than likely react negatively.

So choose your words carefully and don’t give your partner any reason to feel defensive. Talk in terms of yourself, how you feel, rather than what the other person has or hasn’t done or said.

If you can, take a little time to cool down before you begin to talk together so that you’re calm and ready to listen, and answer slowly — think before you speak!

22 Ways A Girl Can Charm Her Way Into A Guy's Heart

We all want guys we like to fall head over heels for us, but sometimes it’s more of a challenge. Here’s how to make a guy fall in love with you.

Let me tell you, if you want to know how to make a guy fall in love with you, well, isn’t as hard as you think it is. You’re probably trying to think of the algorithm, but there’s no need. I figured it out after many years of failure.

Just look at all the guys lining up at my door. I’m kidding, it’s just the pizza guy. I know, this is as good as it gets for me – at least he brings me food, right? True love.

Actually, when I was younger, I was handling guys the wrong way. I would stalk them *I still do, just changed it to virtual stalking*. I would constantly message them – I was perfecting the skills of looking creepy.

21 tips for how to make a guy fall in love with you

I learned from my mistakes, and there’s a reason why my first minor relationship was when I was 19-years-old. So, I’m here to help you surpass my amateur ways and get him ooh-ing and ahh-ing over you.

Like I said, there’s no algorithm to it. You just need to put yourself in their shoes.

#1 Don’t get discouraged. Maybe you’ve told him how you felt and he’s rejected you. I know, it hurts. Trust me, I told my best friend I loved him and I was not given an ideal response – it killed me. But listen, this doesn’t mean they don’t feel anything for you.

That also means you shouldn’t tie yourself to him. He could genuinely not be interested in you or there could be other reasons why he won’t come forward with his emotions. Whatever it is, do not lose hope on love, because whether it’s with him or not, you will find it.

#2 Be yourself. I’m going to tell you things you should do, but listen, don’t do any of these things without being genuine. If you’re not yourself and you’re trying to get him to fall in love with you, it’s not going to work.

I mean, sure, you actually might get him to fall for you, but he won’t be falling for the real you. If you don’t like wearing makeup, then don’t wear makeup. If you have a high-paying job, don’t dumb it down so you can look less powerful. Whatever you are, just be you. This is the most important thing to know when learning how to make a guy fall in love with you.

#3 Take care of your appearance. You don’t have to slap on a full face of makeup, but just look clean and presentable. Don’t take this as some sexist comment, it’s not. You want the guy you’re interested in to look clean and put-together as well, right? If you take pride in how you look, this shows that you’re confident – a huge turn on for men.

#4 Have mutual friends. The chances of falling in love when you have mutual friends are much higher. You trust your friends, and the friends that your friends have are usually very similar. Also, people trust their friends. So, if your friends tell him that you’re a great girl, there’s a higher chance for him to initiate something with you.

#5 It’s all in the smile. I know that girls are into mysterious guys. However, for men, it’s completely the opposite. It’s even scientifically proven that smiling increases your attractiveness to the opposite sex.

That being said, don’t do those phony smiles – that’s not fooling anyone. Plus, you look creepy if the smile doesn’t reach the eyes. This one is a pretty easy tip for how to make a guy fall in love with you.

#6 Show kindness. Men are looking for partners who are kind and nurturing. At the end of the day, we’re biologically wired to look for a suitable mate, so they’re subconsciously looking for mother material. Sorry to break the news. So, if you want him to see that you’re caring, show it. Now, don’t become a nun, but you can do something that shows your softer side.

#7 Mirror him. Yeah, who would have thought that this would work. Now, this doesn’t mean to mime him. For example, you can start by walking at the same pace as him. This subconsciously shows that you two are in sync. However, as time passes, you’ll see him matching his pace to yours – a great sign that he’s into you.

#8 Show interest in animals and children. If you want to know how to make a guy fall in love with you, this is a good place to start. But personally, I would show more interest in animals before hitting on the kids topic. I mean, if you love dogs, he’ll get the idea that you’re a nurturing person.

Unless you want kids relatively early, I would ease up on it. Women who own animals are usually seen as better partners, seeing that they have experience taking care of something else other than themselves. 

#9 Get physical. This doesn’t mean hooking up with him on the first date. This just means that you want to limit the amount of light between your bodies when you’re sitting on a park bench. You can tell the difference when friends sit beside each other and when lovers sit beside each other. So, sit close to him because it’ll show that you’re interested and also increase the connection between the two of you.

#10 Get it while it’s hot. Who would have thought that getting a warm drink with the guy you like would increase the attraction between you two? Well, it does. It’s called priming. So, if you get a drink with him, get something warm – it shows that you have a warmer personality.

#11 Be adventurous. Shockingly, there’s a pretty high correlation between sexual arousal and anxiety. So, my suggestion is to take him out of his comfort zone. Go to the amusement park or bungee jumping. Something that’ll spark his adrenaline.

#12 Make it red. You know that red is a sexy color, we all know it is. That being said, men perceive women who wear red as being sexier than those wearing another color. I know black works for any occasion, but maybe it’s time to try on something more striking. Mmmm… red… now that’s how to make a guy fall in love with you.

#13 Fill the void. Okay, that sounded depressing. What I mean by that is most people, when looking for partners, are looking for someone who makes up the qualities that they don’t have. Makes sense, right? It’s all about creating a balance. So, if he’s shy and you’re outgoing, great!

#14 Keep some mystery. Listen, I know you want to tell him how crappy your last relationship was, but how about we save that for the third or fourth date. You can keep some things to yourself. Men find a little mystery to be alluring. You want him to be curious and interested in getting to know more of you.

#15 Let him take the lead. You don’t have to let him take control all the time, but you should let him make some effort. If you’re chasing him, he won’t be appreciating it. So, let him chase you. That’s definitely how to make a guy fall in love with you. 

#16 Patience. You need to have patience. Not just with him, but with life in general. If he’s not responding how you’d like, be patient. That being said, if it’s like a year without the response you want, perhaps back off. Men need a lot of time before making big decisions, so don’t try to push him.

#17 Don’t be jealous. If you want him, you need to calm down with the jealousy. If a girl’s talking to him and you’re glaring at him from across the room, well, it’s not a good look for you. No guy wants a girl who’s a stage 5 clinger. I mean, would you want a guy like that? Exactly.

#18 Be confident. No one wants to be with someone who plays the victim or damsel in distress. You’ve probably heard the word ‘needy’. Let’s keep that word far away from being associated with you. Be confident, and he’ll see it. Love yourself because you don’t need him… you really don’t.

#19 Trustworthy. When men are looking for someone to fall in love with, they want someone they can trust. Same goes for you. So, you need to show him that you’re trustworthy. Of course, he needs to do the same. If he doesn’t trust you, he’ll always be hesitant about what to do with you.

#20 Independence. A guy wants a woman who looks like she doesn’t need him. There’s a reason why there’s that saying that nice guys finish last. They’re too nice and look like they need you. Why do the cocky guys always get the attention? Because they act like they don’t care. Same for you… you’re an independent woman with her own life.

#21 Being captivating. He has to be drawn in by you. Listen, he needs to be able to feel safe and open himself to you. Once he opens up to you, he’s well on his way to falling for you. So, you need to hook him, and you’ll do it after following these tips.

If you want to know how to make a guy fall in love with you, just follow these tips. However, remember, if you want these tips to work, you’re going to have to be yourself. If he’s not interested in the real you, move onto the next guy.

What It Means To Be A Widow At Age 24. I Married Him Even When I Knew It Won't Last

For most of their fateful trip to North Carolina, in May 2013, Jordan Lewis and his girlfriend, Cady Kendall, were triumphant. In town for follow-up medical appointments, the young couple got happy news. Tests after test confirmed that Jordan's sinus cancer was gone.

But at their final screening, the doctor delivered a devastating blow: Numerous small tumors had shown up in his lungs. As the oncologist spoke, Cady stood, walked across the examination room to Jordan, and whispered in his ear: "I'm getting married to you. And I'm going to walk through this journey with you, this time as your wife."





When she recalls that moment now, Cady says it was almost like a dream. "I don't remember even thinking about it, my feet were just walking, my mouth saying the words. It wasn't a debate. There wasn't a question in my mind that I was supposed to be with him."

Four weeks later, they married. And Cady got to be Jordan's wife and battle by his side for the next 9 months.

College Sweethearts

They met their junior year of college at Oral Roberts University in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Jordan had established a reputation on campus as a man with a kind heart and a warm demeanor. Cady knew of him, but they had never been introduced. When prompted by her friends to attend the school's homecoming that year, though, she declared she would "only go if she went with Jordan Lewis," thinking this a sure way to avoid the evening. To her surprise, though, he called her up a few days later and asked if she would meet him outside in front of her dorm.

It was January and the air was frigid. They stared at each other through layers of winter clothing, bundled up against the cold. Cady guessed what Jordan was going to ask her and had decided that before he said anything she would give him a hug. Knowing he was shy — part of his charm — she didn't want him to feel vulnerable or anxious. It was the first of countless times she would seek to support him, even in this smallest of struggles.

The night of the homecoming dance, they stood together on the rooftop of the Mayo Hotel silently watching the lights of downtown Tulsa. It was a spot they would return to many times in celebration of their love. For the rest of that semester, they continued to develop their friendship. Both aware that they had summer commitments — Jordan to Tanzania on a mission trip and Cady to Buffalo, New York, for an internship — they didn't want to jump into anything too intense on the cusp of such adventures.

But during Jordan's preparations for the trip, Cady fell in love with him. The group was traveling to the Bush of Tanzania, which required a lot of intensive training and was not for the weak-willed. She was a volunteer for the training sessions and spent many nights helping him ready his body and his mind. "I had watched him that entire time and was just astounded at what kind of a man he was," Cady says. "To me, it was evident that he was the strongest, yet most gentle person on that team."

Hardship and Hope

Soon Jordan left for Tanzania and Cady for Buffalo. She knew she wouldn't see or hear from him for a month, and he was constantly on her mind. She wondered what would happen when he got back from Africa, whether the special moments and attraction they'd shared would be forgotten. But to her delight, as soon as Jordan returned, Cady received a text message from him asking permission to call her. "We were really old-fashioned in our dating," she laughs.

Over the next month while Cady was still in Buffalo, they talked on the phone frequently. Still keeping it "just friends," each was waiting for the semester to start, knowing that it would only bring them closer.

Then one day, Cady got a call that changed everything. Jordan told her that while in Tanzania he'd been experiencing nosebleeds so severe that blood was passing through his eyes. During their last month of phone calls, he'd been visiting doctors to find the cause. Two days before his 21st birthday, he learned that a large tumor lodged in his brain, pressing on his optical nerve. The malignant tumor, the size of a woman's fist, was a rare form of stage 4 sinus cancer found only in older men with histories of nickel smelting or woodworking. Jordan, his family, and Cady were baffled and overwhelmed with the diagnosis.


Jordan told Cady he was going to sell all of his belongings and give up his apartment in Tulsa that fall. He would move back home to Raleigh, North Carolina, to be with his family and begin an aggressive cancer treatment of radiation twice per day and chemotherapy once per week.

When she hung up the phone, Cady was lost. She didn't know how to move forward. "At this point I remember going to my mentor at my internship and I told her what had happened," Cady recalls.

"She said,'Cady there are two things you can do: You can either act out of love or you can act out of fear.' I knew in that moment I was going to stay by his side the entire time. Whether we're dating or best friends, I knew that I was already in love with him. I would follow him anywhere."

Over the next semester, Jordan and Cady exchanged care packages in the mail, still nursing the friendship that was growing stronger by the day. They talked on the phone once a week, because that was all his vocal cords could handle after being badly burned from the radiation treatments. Then on December 22, 2011 — after six months of treatment — Jordan got news that he was cancer-free. He returned to ORU in time to graduate with full honors.

Finally, Cady and Jordan were back in the same place at the same time. And one year after their first date, Jordan once again escorted Cady to homecoming, this time as Homecoming King and Queen. It was held at the same hotel as the previous year.

They stood on the same balcony overlooking downtown. "I looked at him and said, 'Can you believe this? Can you believe what we've been through and here we are standing at the same place we were one year ago, but this time you've conquered cancer, you're graduating on time?'" Cady remembers. "And we just sat there quiet again, in awe of what can happen in a year." Later that night, in the amphitheater on a hill above their campus, Jordan asked Cady to be his girlfriend.

Fighting the Good Fight

 

For the next year and a half, Cady and Jordan lived happily in love and cancer-free. In May of 2013, they planned a prolonged visit to Raleigh for Jordan's follow-up screenings and to spend time with his family. On that trip, even when facing the news about the tumors in his lungs, Cady felt surprisingly calm. "It felt like I was made for this moment, to be with Jordan and to fight this with him," she says. "But at the same time it's also scary because the one person you love more than anything in the world is going to have to go through extreme suffering, and that was frightening to me."

They were married almost four weeks later, a function funded by the love and support of their community. A host of people who believed not only in Jordan's survival, but in the love of two young people who decided to battle the odds. Neighbors baked goods for the reception, friends donated the venue, and Cady and Jordan spent their honeymoon night in a suite at the Mayo Hotel, standing on the rooftop for the third time in their relationship, looking out over downtown Tulsa — this time as a married couple.

When the cancer came back, Cady and Jordan were prepared. Not because they expected it, but because they were born fighters. They clung to their faith, and neither acquiesced to the idea of his death — even as the news kept getting worse.

At one point, after the cancer had spread throughout Jordan's whole body, one doctor told him that he would be blind within one week. That evening, Jordan and Cady hung a large TV in their bedroom, ever-determined to persevere. In their shared blog, Jordan wrote, "Blindness is not an option. Death is not an option. I will live a long prosperous life with perfect vision. I write this as a call to arms. A desperate plea for prayer and faith." Cady talks about their struggle as if they were one person, each fighting one half of the same fight. He was fighting the physical and she was fighting the emotional. Each wholly consumed with the task of survival.





They loved each other deeply and selflessly. No matter his physical state, Jordan attempted to care for Cady. From gathering her birthday presents on weakened limbs before he lost his mobility to squeezing her hand in the ICU, when moving any part of his body meant debilitating pain. Cady traveled across the country with him for treatments, bought him a wheelchair and cried in a bathroom stall the first time they had to use it in public: After wheeling him up to a handicap table at a restaurant on their way from Raleigh back to Tulsa, she remembers thinking, "No one knows my husband is the strongest man in the world. No one knows that he is six feet tall. They only see he is in a wheelchair."

The many weeks that passed from Jordan's second and fatal diagnosis were filled with happiness for the couple, because Jordan and Cady chose to focus on their three years of memories together. Lying side by side in his ICU hospital room they recalled the good times and set aside the bad. Then, on March 20, 2014, Jordan took his last breath at the age of 23. As he exhaled a final time, Cady's lips hovered over his, whispering "Jesus" like a prayer, in the last kiss they ever shared together. Of their nearly nine months of marriage, she spent three holding his hand in a hospital bed.

Later, she wrote on their blog, "Every moment was so rich in love and life that it seemed like we truly were married '75 plus years.' God let me be with His precious lamb for almost 9 months, and although it didn't seem long enough to me, I still got the depth of a pure and fearless love that one would get in 75 years of marriage. I got my dream, but in a different way than I had hoped."

Building a Different Life

At 25 years old, Cady considers herself an old soul, having experienced the kind of trauma and loss that most people don't experience until their 70s or 80s. She's walked a road of despair and loneliness. "After losing Jordan, I felt like I completely had to rebuild my life," she says. "I'm still discovering those dreams I have without Jordan. It feels like I have to learn to dream again because Jordan was my dream come true." She admits that it's also difficult to walk a path unfamiliar to almost anyone else her age. And other widows she encounters spent a lifetime with their partner; Cady still has a lifetime ahead of her.


Despite the sometimes overwhelming grief, Cady has found healing — and hasn't had to go it alone. "I feel like I've been so privileged because of the gentle and restorative love I've felt from so many," she says. "It's a complete contrast to what one would think a widow would feel daily." She hopes that she can do the same, guiding and supporting those who are experiencing a similar type of loss. She shares the story of Jordan's faith, compassion and courage anytime she can. "Jordan taught me that to be brave means to be soft."


A year and a half later, she's bravely starting to look toward the future: She is now dating one of Jordan's close friends — a person who shares in her grief rather than being estranged from it. If anything, their relationship is stronger for having that foundation. Cady has found someone who knows exactly what she's lost. "Because I am dating someone who loved Jordan dearly," she says, "it has never been a question as to how we would share his legacy in our future. He treasures Jordan's memory as much as I do."

Cady feels that Jordan's death allowed her to live and love more fully, more deeply. She sees the frailty of life. "My perspective on life shifted," she says. "Accepting the word 'widow' means embracing all the lessons I have learned through losing my husband. It means embracing a new way of living with others and celebrating their lives."

Now, she lives that creed, working with her mother-in-law at a church in Raleigh. She spends her days learning how to communicate with eloquence and grace about a subject that is unimaginably difficult to impart. She seeks to share her story with others in the hopes that not only will they find solace in her words, but also that Jordan's legacy and person will continue to live and breathe long after his body gave up its life. "People are more precious than ever before," she says of her life after Jordan. "Everyone needs to be believed in and loved. I want my role in life to be the person who believes the best."

From: Good Housekeeping

Here are 10 Mostly Ignored Threats to a Happy Marriage

I feel bad for marital communication, because it gets blamed for everything. For generations, in survey after survey, couples have rated marital communication as the number one problem in marriage. It’s not.





Marital communication is getting a bad rap. It’s like the kid who fights back on the playground. The playground supervisors hear a commotion and turn their heads just in time to see his retaliation. He didn’t create the problem; he was reacting to the problem. But he’s the one who gets caught, so he’s sent off to the principal’s office.

Or, in the case of marital communication, the therapist’s office.

I feel bad for marital communication, because everyone gangs up on him, when the truth is, on the playground of marriage, he’s just reacting to one of the other troublemakers who started the fight:


1. We marry people because we like who they are. People change. Plan on it. Don’t marry someone because of who they are, or who you want them to become. Marry them because of who they are determined to become. And then spend a lifetime joining them in their becoming, as they join you in yours.


2. Marriage doesn’t take away our loneliness. To be alive is to be lonely. It’s the human condition. Marriage doesn’t change the human condition. It can’t make us completely unlonely. And when it doesn’t, we blame our partner for doing something wrong, or we go searching for companionship elsewhere. Marriage is intended to be a place where two humans share the experience of loneliness and, in the sharing, create moments in which the loneliness dissipates. For a little while.



3. Shame baggage. Yes, we all carry it it. We spend most of our adolescence and early adulthood trying to pretend our shame doesn’t exist so, when the person we love triggers it in us, we blame them for creating it. And then we demand they fix it. But the truth is, they didn’t create it and they can’t fix it. Sometimes the best marital therapy is individual therapy, in which we work to heal our own shame. So we can stop transferring it to the ones we love.

4. Ego wins. We’ve all got one. We came by it honestly. Probably sometime around the fourth grade when kids started to be jerks to us. Maybe earlier if our family members were jerks first. The ego was a good thing. It kept us safe from the emotional slings and arrows. But now that we’re grown and married, the ego is a wall that separates. It’s time for it to come down. By practicing openness instead of defensiveness, forgiveness instead of vengeance, apology instead of blame, vulnerability instead of strength, and grace instead of power.

5. Life is messy and marriage is life. So marriage is messy, too. But when things stop working perfectly, we start blaming our partner for the snags. We add unnecessary mess to the already inescapable mess of life and love. We must stop pointing fingers and start intertwining them. And then we can we walk into, and through, the mess of life together. Blameless and shameless.

6. Empathy is hard. By its very nature, empathy cannot happen simultaneously between two people. One partner must always go first, and there’s no guarantee of reciprocation. It takes risk. It’s a sacrifice. So most of us wait for our partner to go first. A lifelong empathy standoff. And when one partner actually does take the empathy plunge, it’s almost always a belly flop. The truth is, the people we love are fallible human beings and they will never be the perfect mirror we desire. Can we love them anyway, by taking the empathy plunge ourselves?

7. We care more about our children than about the one who helped us make them. Our kids should never be more important than our marriage, and they should never be less important. If they’re more important, the little rascals will sense it and use it and drive wedges. If they’re less important, they’ll act out until they are given priority. Family is about the constant, on-going work of finding the balance.


8. The hidden power struggle. Most conflict in marriage is at least in part a negotiation around the level of interconnectedness between lovers. Men usually want less. Women usually want more. Sometimes, those roles are reversed. Regardless, when you read between the lines of most fights, this is the question you find: Who gets to decide how much distance we keep between us? If we don’t ask that question explicitly, we’ll fight about it implicitly. Forever.

9. We don’t know how to maintain interest in one thing or one person anymore. We live in a world pulling our attention in a million different directions. The practice of meditation—attending to one thing and then returning our attention to it when we become distracted, over and over and over again—is an essential art. When we are constantly encouraged to attend to the shiny surface of things and to move on when we get a little bored, making our life a meditation upon the person we love is a revolutionary act. And it is absolutely essential if any marriage is to survive and thrive.


As a therapist, I can teach a couple how to communicate in an hour. It’s not complicated. But dealing with the troublemakers who started the fight? Well, that takes a lifetime.

And yet.

It’s a lifetime that forms us into people who are becoming ever more loving versions of ourselves, who can bear the weight of loneliness, who have released the weight of shame, who have traded in walls for bridges, who have embraced the mess of being alive, who risk empathy and forgive disappointments, who love everyone with equal fervor, who give and take and compromise, and who have dedicated themselves to a lifetime of presence and awareness and attentiveness.

And that’s a lifetime worth fighting for.

This post originally appeared on DrKellyFlanagan.com

12 Gifts No Real Woman Wants From Her Partner/Boyfriend

1.PERFUME

Scent is so personal, and so unless you know for sure it's what she wants, then stay away from the stank.





2.CLOTHING WITHOUT A RECEIPT

Sizing in clothing — especially in women's clothing — can be bonkers, so even if you *know* she'll love something, make sure she can easily return or exchange it. Trust. (This is actually true of everything; go in on gift receipts!)

3.PETS

Unless both of you go to the shelter or rescue group together to pick out a pet, pass on a pooch as a present.

4.GIFT CARDS

See how happy this woman is? She's currently in the process of lying to her boyfriend about how happy she is to get a gift card from the man she has sex with. Get it together, dudes.

5.BATH STUFF

Trust me, ladies buy enough of this stuff for themselves. Or their second aunts give it to them. Seriously, no more loofahs!!

6.CASH

This is your girlfriend. Don't give her cash. Come on.

7.KITCHEN STUFF

Unless she asked for some specialty, hard-to-find baking item, cooking (or cleaning) tools will not go over well.

8.CANDY YOU GOT ON SALE AT RITE AID

Basically, nothing from Rite Aid unless you're 12 and trying to find a gift for your mom on Christmas eve.

9.A STUFFED ANIMAL

No. You are dating a grown woman. Get it together.

10.JEWELRY
Unless she's already pointed it out, or it's made of candy.

11 Things You Should Constantly Be Telling Your Spouse To Built A Lasting Relationship

If you desire long-lasting relationship success, don’t forget to tell your partner these 10 essential things every day.

1. “I miss you.”

“If conversation was the lyrics, laughter was the music, making time spent together a melody that could be replayed over and over without getting stale.” – Nicholas Sparks

Telling your partner you miss them through a simple text or email will make them feel needed, wanted, and appreciated. If you’re home with the kids while your partner is at work, send them a group family photo with a message like, “We can’t wait for you to get home!”

2. “How was your day?”

“Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike.” – J.K. Rowling

Resist the temptation to go on a tirade about how terrible your day was as soon as you walk in the door. This isn’t to say you can’t rant and rave about a bad day, but doing so without consideration of your partner’s life is self-centered.

3. “Do you remember that time we ______?”

“Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things.” – Keanu Reeves

Relationships have a way of losing that magical “spark” as the months and years go by. Reminding your partner of your most cherished memories together—like your first vacation together, or that one time you got busted making out in a mall elevator—will help you remember why your relationship is so special in the first place.

4. “How can I help?”

“I want to be in a relationship where you telling me you love me is just a ceremonious validation of what you already show me.” – Steve Maraboli

If you’ve ever panicked in the morning because you’re running late to work and can’t find your keys, you know there are few things more stressful than losing something at an inopportune time. Lighten your partner’s load by asking them how you can help when they appear stressed out or overburdened.

5. “What do you think?”

“When you don’t talk, there’s a lot of stuff that ends up not getting said.” – Catherine Gilbert Murdock

Your relationship shouldn’t be a dictatorship, but rather a democracy. Ask your partner how they feel about all decisions big and small, from where to visit for summer vacation, to your children’s education.

6. “You’re so gorgeous/handsome/hot.”

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” – Leo Buscaglia

If you don’t compliment your partner, how can you expect them to feel wanted or appreciated? Tell them all about their strong-suits by saying things like:

• Physical – “I love it when you smile, because you have the cutest dimples.”
• Attitude – “I love how patient/thoughtful/kind/confident you are, because that makes me feel ____________..”
• Attire – “I can’t stop checking out your butt in those jeans” or “Hello, tiger… you look quite GQ in that suit today!”

7. “Let’s meet in the middle.”

“Compromise is the best and cheapest lawyer.” – Robert Louis Stevenson

It’s easy to become convinced that you’re 100% right during a nasty fight, but please resist the urge to be stubborn. Thinking your partner is wrong about something isn’t an excuse to discount how they feel. Let go of your need to be right and work together as a team.

8. “I’m sorry. You’re right.”

“Every couple has ups and downs, every couple argues, and that’s the thing—you’re a couple, and couples can’t function without trust.” – Nicholas Sparks

Making a mistake is okay (within reason) as long as you’re humble enough to say you’re sorry and accept personal responsibility. Refusing to admit your mistakes, however, could turn what would have been a small squabble into an eternal dispute that destroys trust.

9. “Please” and “Thank you”

“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough” – Oprah Winfrey

Tell me which one you’d rather hear from your partner:

• Take the dog outside.
• Hey honey, could you please take the dog outside? I’m tied up with the laundry right now, so I’d really appreciate it. Thanks!

Big difference, am I right?

10. “I love you.”

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” – Lao Tzu

No matter how long you’ve known a person, I can promise that those 3 words will never lose meaning.

Here Are 10 Points Showing That Being in A Relationship Gives You A Healthier and Happier Life

Dating can be fun sometimes‒meeting new people, going out to new places, feeling the excitement of a potential new relationship. But be honest‒do you really enjoy it? Do you like the stress of figuring out where to go, how to dress, and what to talk about? Do you have fun while you’re struggling to make it through dinner without climbing out the bathroom window? Do you laugh while waiting for the second date call?

Exactly. It’s just not fun after a certain point. But don’t feel like you’re settling down when you find that special someone. Relationships don’t have to be boring! In fact, being in a relationship makes your life better and healthier! Here’s why.

1. You act less selfishly.

How many times have you been too tired to cook dinner for yourself? I’m raising my hand. But knowing my sweetie also had a long day lights a fire inside of me, and I’m willing to go above and beyond just to make him feel good. Being in a relationship makes you think about someone other than yourself‒which isn’t limited to just your partner! Considering the feelings of one person in particular leads you to think about the feelings of others in general‒which is a benefit for you and everyone around you!

2. Your stress levels are lowered.

Having your partner by your side means you have someone to carry some of the weight of your life. If you’re having a busy day, your partner can help you out with the chores when you get home. If something’s weighing on your mind, you have someone to talk with. Don’t forget about how stressful it is to go to a party or a bar and feel like you have to catch someone’s eye. You have your partner by your side or waiting for you at home. There’s no pressure to meet someone and impress them. In fact, being in a committed relationship has been shown to hinder the production of a stress hormone called cortisol!

3. Your risk of depression is reduced.

One of the major starting points of depression is feeling alone. When you’re with your sweetie, you’re not alone! Just knowing you have someone there for you makes you feel happier. You have someone to talk to, someone to cuddle with, someone for the good times and the bad.

4. You feel happier.

Common sense, right? There’s less stress, less depression, of course, you’re happier! There are even scientific studies that show married people being happier and living longer than their unmarried peers. That doesn’t mean you need to go tie the knot today, and it doesn’t mean that being single is a crime, but from a health standpoint, it just makes sense.

5. You feel invincible.

OK, not really. But you’ll certainly feel like it. You know that all-over good feeling you get when you’re happy in a relationship? That’s your body releasing the love hormone, oxytocin. Oxytocin not only makes you feel good; it also boosts your immune system so you’re less likely to get sick, and your wounds heal faster. Love might not actually be a drug, but it certainly can feel like the best one!

6. You feel like someone gets you.

How many times have you and your partner said the same thing at the same moment, gotten each other the perfect gift without a wish list, or exclaimed “That’s exactly what I was thinking!” It’s fun, right? And more than fun, it means they can tell when you’re happy or sad, and act accordingly to help you blow off some steam and feel better. Having someone who knows you deeply is an amazing feeling.

7. You learn about yourself.

It seems like being in a relationship means you’ll learn about your partner, right? And you will. But in that time, you’ll also learn a lot about yourself. You’ll see how you act with someone else, or how considerate you are. You might learn about some hidden good things, and they might make you a better person and turn your life around. But you’re definitelygoing to learn bad things. Thankfully, these too can make you a better person and help you turn your life around. Every bad quality you have is going to come out in a relationship, but once you learn about it, you can address it and remedy the issue. Knowing yourself makes you a better person‒and a better person to be in a relationship with.

8. Your world is expanded.

Being in a relationship means you get to hear about your partner’s interests. You’ll be exposed to new authors, musicians, and movies‒and you’ll already know they’re good! You get to meet new friends to talk and hang out with, and you’ll meet his family and hopefully become close with them (or at least realize yours isn’t that bad!).

9. You learn to compromise.

In a relationship, you have to share. You share living space, dinner plans, and nights out with friends. You split holidays with families. You learn how to give a little and how to get a little. This makes you a better person because you’re showing your love, you’re showing your flexibility, and you’re showing that you care enough to work together. A bonus is that this talent will come in handy in other areas of your life‒especially in your career!

10. You can stay healthy together.

Sure, all of these tips make you see how your life is better and healthier with a partner. But what about actually getting healthier with your partner? You have someone to join a gym with, to go on runs around the neighborhood with, or to inspire you to work out in the living room. Having a partner can be the best motivation for a workout.