6 Guides To Get You Back Into a Relationship After Suffering an Abusive Marriage

Being a part of an abusive marriage is an all too common phenomenon, but the problems don't end once your marriage ends in divorce. Whether the abuse was physical, sexual or emotional in nature, you can take steps to ensure your next relationship is healthy and abuse free. You can have a healthy relationship with a new partner, but taking the extra time to make sure you are properly prepared for one is very important.

Step 1

Get professional advice. The effects of an abusive marriage can last a very long time. You've probably suffered emotional trauma and damage that you must address before you can enter into a new, healthy relationship. Seek professional therapy from a counselor or mental health professional as soon as possible so you can begin the healing process.

Step 2

Learn as much as you can about abusive relationships. Abusive behavior can stem from a number of root causes and have lingering effects. Educating yourself about why abuse happens, the effects it has on your emotional and mental health and what leads people to enter into abusive relationships can be a big step.

Step 3

Stay aware of your emotional state. When you become emotionally involved or interested in a potential partner, your ability to objectively evaluate that person is necessarily compromised. Always be aware of your own emotional response to a potential partner and seek the advice of objective parties when entering a new relationship.

Step 4

Go slowly. Your abusive relationship has probably affected your ability to trust and build a healthy relationship. Don't rush into an intimate relationship with a new partner. Build your relationship slowly over time, and explain to your partner why you are cautious.

Step 5

Make sure you are legally protected. If your abusive ex-spouse still presents a threat to you, your health and your family, you must take steps to ensure no further damage can be done. Talk to a lawyer about what options you have in asking a court for a restraining order or a protective order that limits contact between you and your ex-spouse.

Why It Is Very Good For Married Couples To Have Sexual Fantasies

You know the feeling — desire. While watching a sexy scene in a movie or TV show, it flickers in your body. What you’d give to be on that tropical island making passionate love or to have that attractive stranger whisk you away to the boudoir.

Do you embrace those thoughts or set them aside? If the latter, you may want to consider some changes.

Fantasies may seem like simple daydreams, but they hold real potential for strengthened connectedness, creativity and pleasure with your partner, and that’s regardless of whether you’re newly paired or have been together for decades.

1. Boost Arousal

Research conducted at the University of Granada in 2007 showed that sexual fantasizing increases arousal. Male participants, however, responded more positively to sexual thoughts and accepted them more easily than female participants. This isn’t surprising, given that research also shows that women tend to experience more shame around sexuality.

Embracing sexual desires and imaginings can not only help minimize these negative beliefs,but also ease anxiety — which is more common in women and a potential cause of low libido for all genders.

“People often forget that our brain is a sex organ — a big one,” says Yana Tallon-Hicks, a sex educator and writer in Northampton, Massachusetts. “Turning it off while we wait for our bodies to do all the turning on cuts us off from our full power supply and pleasure potential.”

So when those sexy thoughts arise, let your mind wander fully into them. Or kick-start fantasies by intentionally savoring a sexy daydream or taking in an erotic film or story.

2. Reach Mutual Pleasure Potential

After you’re initially aroused, fantasizing can go a long way toward the pleasure potential Tallon-Hicks mentioned. The more turned-on you feel, the more pleasure you and your partner are likely to experience. You may even get more “OMG!” out of your Big O.

Think of fantasizing as mental foreplay. Talk with your partner about your desires to increase anticipation — which can also fuel pleasure. If you’re not yet comfortable talking about sex, begin with small steps, such as sending a flirty text about a fantasy and setting increased with sex talk as a goal. Research published in the Journal of Social Personal Relationships in 2012 showed a strong link between comfort in discussing sex and a pleasing sex life.

3. Break Out of the "Pattern"

Years into a relationship, it’s easy to fall into a comfortable, but not terribly exciting, routine — especially in the sex department, says Sandra LaMorgese, Ph.D., a sexuality expert and author in New York City.

“Instead of delving deeper into each other’s wants, needs, interests, turn-ons, turn-offs and deep fantasies, we fall into a pattern and stick with it, even when it becomes less exciting or fulfilling,” says LaMorgese.

Recommitting is important, she added. To help remedy bedroom monotony, explore new fantasies. Letting your thoughts drift down a sexy path can inspire creativity, shaking up the routine and adding a sense of novelty and adventure.

This is important, because new experiences boost dopamine and norepinephrine levels in your brain, inviting those punch-drunk, falling-in-love feelings.

4. Stay Present

Everyone experiences disruptive thoughts mid-coitus on occasion — some individuals more than others.

“For example, folks who might be struggling with [erectile dysfunction], anorgasmia or chronic pain can almost get stuck in their negative focus on their bodies during sex,” says Tallon-Hicks.

Fantasizing can allow you to stay in a sexual, erotic moment, she said, keeping these problems from becoming more prevalent or taking over.

If you find yourself feeling self-conscious of your performance or body during sex, refocus on sexual desires. Ask your partner about their fantasies, or share one of your own. If a fantasy is realistic, consider acting on it or something similar. Role-play or try an enticing, new-to-you position or technique.

5. Strengthen Intimacy

All of these perks can lead to increased closeness as a couple both in and out of the bedroom. The more pleasurable and gratifying your sex life is, the more likely you’ll be able to stay close emotionally. And any work you prioritize and engage in together can build a sense of connectedness.

To begin inviting these benefits, LaMorgese suggests starting slow.

“Build an atmosphere of nonjudgment where inhibitions melt away, a place where your deepest, darkest fantasies feel safe enough to come out,” she says, adding that the process takes time.

“Accept your partner’s fantasies without judgment, and start working toward fulfilling one of them. Be a giving lover and accept the same in return.”

What Do YOU Think?

What do you and your partner do to stay intimate? In your experience, how does intimacy benefit your relationship? How do you feel about fantasizing? Let us know in the comments section!

WHat Kind Of Guys Worth Your Love and Time? Check This 25 Kind of Guys Who Worth It

1. The guy who sends you flowers just because. Or because he wants to take you out on a date. Or because you had a bad day. He's thinking about you and making an effort! Why is that so hard to find?

2. The guy who does what he says he will. He calls when he says he will and commits to plans in advance. And if something happens and he can't do what he says he will, he's profusely apologetic and always has a really good reason.

3. The guy who calls you the day after meeting you. Yes! A phone call! It's a miracle! And so is this guy. He'll probably call you regularly moving forward because he's one of the few people left in the world without a severe, self-imposed phone allergy.

4. The guy who asks you to be exclusive. And at first you're completely thrown because you were just dating a schmuck who dicked you around F O R E V E R, but this guy makes you feel like the only girl in the world, which is exactly how every girl deserves to feel.

5. The guy who knows what he wants and goes after it. Much like you go after things you know you want, because you're a woman with her shit together. Sometimes that thing is a new pair of boat shoes or a better-fitting shirt; sometimes that thing is a relationship with you.

6. The guy who texts you back in a reasonable amount of time. The "I'm going to wait three days before reaching out" rule is bullshit and so are guys who follow it. Besides, three days in the Internet/text message age is, like, nine months. Who has nine months to wait around to see if a guy likes you? Not you, that's for sure.

7. The guy who can't wait to introduce you to his friends and family. Finally, you're not the one in the relationship parading your love interest around to every BBQ/park picnic/drinks outing with zero reciprocation.

8. The guy who takes the time to get to know your friends. They aren't going anywhere, so if he also doesn't want to go anywhere, he should get chummy with your inner circle.

9. The guy who loves hanging out with your family and doesn't complain when you want to go and visit them. Also, he'll hang with your dad and brother like he's a part of the family. And won't roll his eyes when your family drives him (or you) crazy! As other people's families inevitably do.

10. The guy who plans ahead. There is nothing sexier than a man who can follow through on a dinner date with one or two phone calls and/or texts. It's a law of dating and life that guys who can't do this are never going to be able to do anything.

11. The guy who shares your values. It doesn't matter how much you love a person. If you don't value the same things (like where to live, having kids or not, how to manage your finances), it will never work.

12. The guy who watches your TV shows with you because he knows it makes you happy. He probably also secretly likes The Bachelor (Who doesn't?) so it's a win/win.

13. The guy who doesn't sleep with or date any other women after he's decided he wants a relationship with you. This guy has morals and thinks about other people. Any man in your life should come with common decency.

14. The guy who's willing to compromise. Because it's not all about him and he is confident/amazing enough to realize that.

15. The guy who's willing to make sacrifices to make your relationship work.Exhibit A: You get your dream job in NYC, and he picks up and moves with you because you've dreamed about being a magazine editor your whole life and he knows that. *Swoon.*

16. The guy who tells you how he really feels. *~FEeLiNgS~*. Talking about them is just as important as having them. You can't be the only one in the relationship who's able to discuss yours honestly.

17. The guy who doesn't try — or want — to change you. He thinks you're sexy and amazing (and, maybe, a little crazy), and he wouldn't change you for the world.

18. The guy who finds you sexiest in jeans and a T-shirt. When you're not wearing any makeup and haven't done anything to your hair. And when you roll to brunch on Saturday morning in your "comfy" clothes is when he has the most trouble keeping his hands off you.

19. The guys who listens. He knows your favorite ice cream flavor and your favorite flower, and remembers the story you told him once about your high school play. Because when you talk, everything else in his world disappears.

20. He makes out with you in an I-want-you-to-feel-like-your-life-is-a-movie kind of way. And who doesn't want to feel like their life is a movie? He's your Ryan Gosling and you're his Rachel McAdams and you'd definitely win the "Best Kiss" award at the MTV Movie Awards.

21. The guy who wifes you up. He sees the gem he has in you and he doesn't take you for granted. He's been looking for you his whole life just like you've been looking for him.

Lets Not So Forget Easily How These 10 Celebrities Couples Dated

Just like the rest of us, stars get together and break up—c'est la vie. Yet while some celebrity couples will be forever ingrained in the hallowed halls of pop-culture moments (reference the engagement of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez; the uncoupling of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin), others just vanish from our memory, as if they never happened. Well, get ready to remember.






Ryan Reynolds and Alanis Morissette, engaged, together 2002 to 2006



Orlando Bloom and Kate Bosworth, dated, together 2002 to 2006




Jake Gyllenhaal and Kirsten Dunst, dated, together 2002 to 2004




Brittany Murphy and Ashton Kutcher, dated, together 2003



Scott Foley and Jennifer Garner, married, together 1998 to 2004

Hilary Duff and Joel Madden, dated, together 2004 to 2006




Jessica Biel and Chris Evans, dated, together 2004 to 2006




Ryan Gosling and Sandra Bullock, dated, together 2002 to 2003


Brody Jenner and Avril Lavigne, dated, together 2010 to 2012



Mila Kunis and Macaulay Culkin, dated, together 2002 to 2010

And for the record, celebrity twosomes we could never, ever forget about, no matter what? Kim and Kanye, Brad and Angelina, and Brad and Jennifer Aniston.

Over This Thanksgiving Weekend You Could Get More Matches on Tinder Than Ever

Dating apps certainly have their frustrations, and we're all about meeting someone IRL. But if you've been meaning to message those matches piling up in your Tinder inbox, now may be the time: Over Thanksgiving weekend of 2015, the app saw 2.3 million swipes more than usual—and 23 percent more matches.





According to data from Tinder, you may have extra luck if you live in Baltimore, New York, Provo, Chicago, or Boston—all cities that saw the most matches during Thanksgiving last year. The places with the greatest increase in matches were Detroit, Houston, Washington, D.C., Dallas, and Baltimore, so if you don't normally have luck in those places, you may have a little more to be thankful for right now.

If your schedule is packed this weekend, you've still got another few months to take advantage of this surge in dating app usage. Apps tend to see the most activity between Christmas and Valentine's Day, with Match's new memberships increasing by 60 percent.

Whether it's due to the longing for someone to snuggle up with when we're snowed in or the fear of showing up dateless to holiday parties, people are really on the prowl during the holidays. Engagements and conceptions go up in December, and 54 percent of Brits have kissed a colleague at a holiday office party

Clearly, cuffing season is celebrated as much online as it is IRL. Match, Plentyoffish, and OKCupid all see the most traffic during the weekend after New Year's.

So we don't mean to take away from your time with your family, but if you're stuck in your hometown with nothing better to do, a little swiping could go further than usual right now.